The Ole Miss Expatriate

So Long Jerks!

2009-03-27T20:23:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'm joking, but I couldn't resist. Anyone that knows Bender, knows thats funny. Yes, dear reader, your faithful Expatriate is leaving the Great State for the Republic of Texas. I am seeking my fortune and hammering out a little manifest destiny. My plan is to start an entirely new blog, as this one will seem a little irrelevant whence I am points West.

I will miss this State, however I must forge ahead. More than anything, though, I'll miss the people here. In the words of one of my idols, though, "I shall return."

Forward Rebels, March to Fame.

Adios, Muchachos!

-Your Ole Miss Expatriate

Moneydump

2008-11-20T16:04:00.000-08:00

Alright. Blogging again. For how long? Who the fuck knows? Anywho, begun listening intently to Guns and Roses new album, Chinese Democracy. Well to cut to the quick, not impressed. I've listened to about half the songs (the ones on Myspace) and I have to say, nothing strikes me. Guns and Roses, pre-Buckethead, circa mid eighties to early nineties, was about two things: fury and depth. That is essentially what makes up great rock and roll bands. Somewhere between the departure of everyone but Axl and the release of this album, Guns and Roses has replaced fury with industrial and depth with hack. It just really seems to me that this album lacks every single thing that their earlier albums contained. There are no great rising moments like in Civil War. There are no furious songs like You Could Be Mine. There is nothing epic like November Rain. So what happened? Well, honestly, I believe that Axl isolated himself so much from the outside world, that he honestly did not realize what was actually going on in music and why he began writing, composing and singing. When he emerged, determined to force the world to pay attention to him again, he supplemented his past inspirations with money, unlimited studio time and a rolodex to rival the president of any major label. All those things combine for is a hack record that will be hailed for a few minutes and then lambasted for an age. One last thing, dear reader, be prepared to hear everyone of these songs on every commercial, television show, movie and creative internet viral videos. The powers that be have been fronting a shit-ton of money to Axl for a long time to get this damn thing out there, and trust me, they won't recoup a dime without some serious whoring of this album.

For The 2008 Presidential Election Cycle: I Am Not Voting So Fuck Off

2008-10-30T09:26:00.001-07:00

I would like to take a moment and reason out very clearly with everyone out there why exactly I am not voting in the upcoming election. For many different reasons I have found myself whole-heartily disillusioned with the election process and politics in general. Now, I enjoy gossipy stories and juicy details just as much as the next poltico, however I have studied politics and been in both political science and law school way too long to every appreciate how the sausage is made. I guess I could claim that is reason number 1. I am disillusioned with American politics in general. Public service went the way of the dodo a long time ago. Today people are career politicians, not basing their lives on serving others, but serving their own ends. I don’t enjoy that game. I find it distasteful. Onward. I imagine my next reason would go down to a selfish stance. I vote for my friends and relatives. These are the only people who could ever impact my life. Because I line up with someone who I have never met, who could care less about me and only flashes rhetoric in my face, does not impress me enough. And the issues they stand for? Pro-life, pro-choice, entitlements, national security, etc… None of these things impact my life. Taxes going up? Who gives a shit? I make crap. Why would I care if people who make over 75K a year get taxed more. That doesn’t affect me. I truly don’t have an opinion on abortion and I live in the Deep South. I am not worried about terrorism here. Now foreign policy I could get behind, but anything besides the current administration is a step up, so that doesn’t affect me either. I guess my last reason is that I don’t like being bullied into voting for someone. And no, I’m not going to write myself in or vote for a space alien or some other dumb shit. If I truly believed that real change would occur, then I would vote for someone, but the point of the American system is about having a choice. A choice, goddammit. Not being obligated into lining up. That is what has happened to this country. No one sees it. Our country is polarized. Everyone is so goddamn angry. The left hates the right. Blacks hate whites. Women are hating other women. Intellectualism is being supplanted by terrible rhetoric. “A chicken in every pot” is being promised and will never be delivered.

And to everyone that keeps telling me this old chestnut, “If you don’t vote, then you can’t complain.” I just complained. And I’m not voting. So fuck off.

You Try To Find This Fucking Song

2008-10-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

Yea, this is one of the dopest songs out there. No pun intended. Ok, pun intended. From my lengthy days of playing Grand Theft while fretting over frivolous tests. Steve Marriot, kicking ass.

I'm Charlie Brown

2008-09-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well a couple of weeks ago I got my results back on my bar exam. Ugh. I feel like Lucy keeps pulling that ball out from under me. I think it might be time to pack it up and head for greener pastures.

(Also, I try to use non-copywrited material for my pictures on here, but I really do feel like Charlie Brown and I only use this imagine in tribute to Charles Shultz. Fair Use, baby.)

Onward and Upward

2008-08-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

Well, a friend of mine (and myself) recently had a long discussion regarding writing, how to write, why we don't write, good writers, why we aren't good writers and the overall "craft" as we in the biz call it. Yes, that's right, "the biz." Ok, I'm not a writer, but sometimes I like to play dress up and pretend I am. I put on my cape and soar around my apartment, dreaming of a day when I can throw off these chains of regular work, sit in a upscale apartment, and pontificate on the ills of the world. Wait. I already do that, and with gusto! Hmmm. Ok, I don't get paid for. That's right, people, I'm a fucking volunteer. Dammit. Anywho, me and my friend have committed ourselves to writing more. You may know my friend from his blog, "Making the Mundane Magical" of which, I should have a link to on this site. He is a very good writer and his new site, www.sniction.wordpress.com is coming along very nicely. I suggest everyone take in a few of his stories and drop him a couple of comments. They are well thought out and very engrossing. As for myself, dear reader, and by the way, I am basically ripping off the "dear reader" from Stephen King (he uses "Constant Reader," see I'm original), I too have pushed myself into the fantastic and exciting world of online publishing! Hmmmm. Already doing that with this blog. Ok, well this will be mainly just fiction and not my obsessive and ridiculous ranting. If you have time, or your bored, or you just want to laugh and mock my sincere efforts, mosey on over to my little fiction site, www.noveletics.wordpress.com and enjoy. Or don't. Shit. I don't give a fuck. Onward and upward, dear friends. Onward and upward.

Internets

2008-08-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Been trying to think up a good post for a while. Instead of just sitting on my ass, I decided to post some of my favorite snarky, irreverent, funny, and interesting sites that I check constantly. Considering I eliminated my cable several months ago, I decided to devote my time to the internet. So here you go, cats and kittens, for your viewing and reading pleasure:

Wonkette
www.wonkette.com

This is a Washington political site. Very snarky and very irreverent. Obvious liberal bias, but the headlines and funny and they can keep you up-to-date on who is screwing who in Washington.

Slate
www.slate.com

Online magazine that is loved by NPR and considering I love NPR, it was only natural that I started reading this. Good articles, pretty in depth, and you can always find something interesting and well thought out.

Hulu
www.hulu.com

No cable? No problem. No money? No problem. A natural fit for me. Hulu is like a professional youtube, with tons of archived television series and movies. All for free. You have to tolerate a few ads, but, screw it. Its worth it. Not as many movies as you might hope for, but come on. I live in poverty. I takes whats I cans gets.

McSweeney’s
www.mcsweeneys.net

Extremely funny site. A bit high-brow, but their archives are worth it. You can read it for hours. My suggestion is to search for the Cookie Monster story. You’ll laugh your ass off. McSweeney’s has been around for a while and has a very good presence in print media.

Adult Swim
www.adultswim.com

Tuner’s golden child of comedy. Who could have ever conceived that a viewer driven, extremely insane cartoon channel could produce such great material? I thought all Turner/Time Warner had was TBS and the Braves? Well boy was I wrong. Cartoon Network, with its humble beginnings as Turner’s way of satisfying its required “child programming hours” has hoisted Adult Swim (its night-time incarnation) into an industry standard of comedy. Adult Swim (and viewers like me) resurrected Family Guy and Futurama and have given a shot to dozens of fantastic comedians (Tim and Eric) and elevated crazy animation to the next level. Kudos. I suggest everyone bookmark this one.

Gawker
www.gawker.com

Lots of snark, basically a gossip site. Its good and you can really stay in touch with what is passé, what is now, and what is just ridiculous. Hey, don’t act like you don’t have one of these sites bookmarked! At least I’m not promoting Perez Hilton. Although he is funny too.

Star Search

2008-07-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

So, two days ago, I’m taking the “Great Test.” It sucks. I despise it. So, I’m at lunch. Chow down on some Subway and I’m headed back into the Marriot for another dose of pain. Coming out of the Marriot, in Jackson, Mississippi, who do I run into? Billy Bob Thorton. I am bad star-struck. I look up at him in his trucker hat and dark sunglasses and manage, “Hey, man!” He replies, “Hey, brother.” “Sling-Blade” Armageddon” “Mr. Angelina Jolie Himself.” He spoke to me on the streets of Jackson, Mississippi.

Hey, brother to you too.

Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way?

2008-07-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

Alright, cats and kittens. The kid is back. Blogging, that is. I’m back and with a force. I’m done again with the “Great Test” and I pray to God it’s the last time, but in the long run, this ole boy don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of being tested and ready for some real life. I’m ready for a change, a move and a different set of trees to look at on the way into the office. I hate to say it, but your Ole Miss Expatriate is plotting an escape from the Great State. As a 5th + generation Mississippian, I’ll be sad to leave, but I’m afraid the time might be drawing near where my dreams will take me west. “Go West, young man,” as they used to say. I just may be shaking the dust of southeast and headed for parts unknown. Stay tuned, dear reader. There may be a second chapter to this book.

As one of my hero’s, Waylon Jennings said, “Are you sure Hank done it this way?” It’s a long road to Nashville, and I think ole Hank took a few detours to get there. Its time the Expatriate started finding out where those detour roads lead.

Like a Lock

2008-05-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

Ah, the great women post. I'm sure everyone has been waiting on this, or not. I don't really give a fuck. But to the point. I'll never understand them. Women, I mean. A different species. We share the bulk of DNA with them, yet, for a few proteins, we split, into two different genders, equipped with different ideas, genitalia, and genetically designed goals. They are truly the ultimate mystery. I have, and most likely, will always feel like a freshmen talking to the captain of the cheerleading team. Lost, my friends, truly lost. All in all, I remain stuck in the game, constantly pursuing.

War

2008-05-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've been very reluctant to blog about the War in Iraq and Afghanistan. Most considerably because I have several friends who have served in both theaters. By the grace of God, all have returned back to the U.S. and more importantly, the Great State, however I find myself weary of an unending conflict with no discernable goals. This statement has been reiterated many times over by talking heads on more blogs and televisions shows than worth mentioning, however, I find that I need to say my piece on it.

I believe that the United States Military is the greatest in the world. We have the best technology, we control the air, sea and space. All other armies in the world stand mute in the face of the sheer destructive power of our men and materials. Including China, so don't give me any bullshit about a billion man army. You can have all the men you want, but in today's warfare, one of our submarines can handle the worst China, or any other third world shit hole could ever dish out.

With this being said, though, I find the War that we have been embroiled in to be dragging on. We are now fighting a civil war, in two countries that do not deserve our time. I'm ready for our troops to return home, triumphant in the fact that a dictator of despicable means, his ilk, and their cronies, lie as dead as the dust that comprises, Iraq.

No Civil War.

I Love the Word, "Anniversaire"

2008-05-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

I didn’t realize it until just now, after 3 Evan Williams, that my anniversaire had passed without me noticing. I have been blogging now for a year. A YEAR, PEOPLE. I guess I’m not going to really celebrate it, but it’s a major accomplishment for me. I have been writing (on and off) solidly for a year. Even though this wasn’t a New Year’s resolution for last year, I feel like it should have been. So it is.

Back to my anniversaire. I’m happy that I have been blogging for a year. For all my stupid accomplishments, degrees, and accolades, writing continuously (on and off) honestly makes me happy. It honestly makes me happy. Its worth repeating. There isn’t just a shitload of stuff in this life that honestly makes me happy, but writing is chief among them, and given, I’m not a very good writer compared to the giants out there, I’m happy with myself and I’m happy to be here. So enjoy the next evolution of my writing, dear reader. Thank you for sticking around with me.

Sincerely yours,

The Ole Miss Expatriate, borne of blood, raised in the Great State and still kicking, despite the wishes of too many to be named.

What I Have in Common with Anthony Bourdain

2008-05-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

Before I unceremoniously removed my cable I used to watch a lot of Tony Bourdain. One night, while enjoying an evening by the fire in my fortified mansion in an undisclosed location in the Great State, I noticed Bourdain on a different show. It was not his regular show, “No Reservations,” of which I am a huge fan, but it was a special in which he worked at a restaurant in his hometown of New York. Not managing and schmoozing, but working in the kitchen, busting his ass. Bourdain is such a smart ass, it was nice to see him getting cussed out and making tons of mistakes. LOL. Nothing against Tony, I think he is a good writer and host, and from what I hear, a damn good chef.

Anywho, Bourdain used a word that has become of late, one of my favorites: Civilized. I guess in living here at the top of the Great State, in a suburban hell, I have come to appreciate the more civilized things in life. A civilized drink at a good bar, civilized conversation with cosmopolitan people, and civilized driving. Yes, lately dear reader, your Expatriate has been in a few fender benders. None my fault, mind you, but they have made me realize that people squished into a small suburban area, with only a handful of roads and horrible traffic, combine for a goulash of death and destruction on the Eisenhower Interstate System. I persist, though; ever pushing my boat against the current.

Back to Bourdain. When he used the word ‘civilized’ it made me just appreciate him more. We are not talking about high class blue bloods, sitting in a arm-chairs, smoking cigars and discussing bilateral negations with Iran. No, Bourdain and I are talking about the comforts of life. Art for art’s sake. Locally brewed beer. An old bench, that despite it’s age, still manages to relieve your ankles. Civilized is cutting through the bullshit, getting rid of the cellophane and just relaxing. Slow down for a minute, dear reader, and try to be a little more civilized. I suggest you also watch where your driving, too. That might be a certain Expatriate in front of you.

The Public Broadcasting Smackdown!

2008-05-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

What is the problem with the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, these days? I heard the other day that NPR fired its CEO because it wants someone more forward looking? Well, I have to agree. In the past so many years, I have become a huge fan of public television and public radio. Anyone that knows me, though, that I have to have a gripe about these two respected institutions.

Let’s start with public television, gang. Well, I think its pledge time on public television, I’m not too sure though, considering I can barely stand to turn on the damn thing. The past two weeks has been “Mostly Wretched Music Week.” What might that mean, dear reader? Well let’s just say there is a good bit of Lawrence Welk, Scottish Songsmiths and some terrifying opera. Ok, seriously. Who exactly is public television going after as its audience, these days? 73 year old grannies who dream of visiting Scotland? Lord. As I stated above, I am a devoted fan, but this is just garbage. Do they honestly expect me to donate money when this is the shit they are trying to entice me with? Now to their credit over at public television, I did see a nice documentary about Elvis Presley’s gospel music and a special about Johnny Cash. The King and Cash, aside, it’s mostly been trash.

Now for my gripe about public radio. In the past so many years, public radio has been pretty good about syndicating more shows throughout the country and beefing up its news and reporting. Kudos. I have to say, though, don’t stop. Now, I love classical music just as much as the next geek, but I really have to insist on some more talk radio. NPR has some of the best produced series, including, “This American Life,” “Car Talk,” and “What do you know?” All good programs, all well produced and all on my ‘must listen’ list. Oh and I forgot, Garrison Keillor. He is good all around. It seems like NPR got to a point and just stopped. Now, I’m not forgetting “Thacker Mountain” which just recently got syndicated, but I am ready for some new shows. Come on NPR, Mississippi Public Broadcasting and the rest of the states out there! How about a good objective show about technology (and I don’t mean just another segment on “Fresh Air?” Or what about a show strictly devoted to contemporary and older literature?

I think I might need to put a finer point on my arguments to public radio. Just as a small example, take a look at Mississippi Public Broadcasting. Now these are some hard workin’ folks. Let me tell you. With a tiny, tiny group of people and little smattering of money, Mississippi Public Broadcasting continues to function. I am amazed. Over the last 20 years, these hard working people have managed to keep MPB afloat. “Mississippi Roads?” Fine program. “Mississippi Outdoors?” Good program. “Rural Voices Radio?” Ok, that sucks. For all my praise of MPB, “Rural Voices Radio” never ceases to come off hackney. Ever hear a great Mississippi author on it reading a story or anecdote? Hell no. It’s always a 9 year old kid talking about his grandmother’s biscuits. Yes, I love biscuits. Yes, I love my grandmother and her biscuits too. We are from Mississippi, it’s what we do. I don’t need to hear a book report about it. Look, I’m not downing on the kid. I’m sure he worked hard to write his essay and it took him like 13 weeks to eek out the 500 words. I just figure Mississippi Public Broadcasting should be a little more high minded. Faulkner is from here, for Christ’s sake! Let’s try to act like we have a little class? Ok, ok. I’m a harsh guy. Fuck off. My point is this: MPB needs more funding, it needs more shows, it needs better writing and Walt Grayson should not be the only person holding it up. Now, you really have to be a MPB geek to know who Walt Grayson is.

The end of the story is I do love Public Broadcasting in all its forms. I just wish that fat old white ladies would quit pretending they have their finger on the pulse of what the 21-35 demographic wants. For all the fat white women working at Public Broadcasting, here is a public service for you: We want intelligent shows about topics that concern 21-35 year olds. We want quality, we want integrity. We don’t want one-sidedness, we don’t want “Down Home Jill Connor Browne Garbage.” Treat us with the respect that the intelligent class deserves. So put down the candy, you know you don’t need any, walk outside your office, yea that’s it. Past your high school equivalent degree. Keep going. Now past your secretary who probably has three times your education and half your age. Now move your fat ass down to the legislature and beg for some more money. Fund MPB and I don’t mean offer more tote bags for more donations. Bitch.

Raging Bull

2008-05-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

Oh yea, that whole "test thing" didn't go so hot. Bless you alcohol. So the kid is down. But he ain't out. Round two.

That Movie Guy

2008-05-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Small gripe today. Who is that son of a bitch who does all the trailer movie voice-overs? Jeez. I despise that person with all my being. Speaking of trailers, I’m exhausted with them. I have a suspicion that the accountants and marketing directors have taken control of the movie industry. Oh, Expatriate, you may say, you are so naïve! That has been happening for years! Well of course it is, it just seems more pronounced today. I’m tired of flipping on the television, seeing a trailer and then having expectations of what the movie should be. Example: Cloverfield. The marketing campaign was much better than the actual movie. Jesus. Everyone was all freaked out. “What’s this movie about? Is it a monster? Is the monster some H.P. Lovecraft creature? Is it a giant walking Filet Mignon?” Then I saw the damn thing, almost got sick do to the “documentary cam” and left feeling so happy that the monster had destroyed New York, laid waste to some jack-asses, and praying that I would find the 8 dollars I spent watching the damn thing. The trailer was good, the movie sucked. Hard.

Back to the movie voice-over guy. How does he warp his voice into that trance-like baritone? Is he trying to subliminally implant suggestions about what the movie is supposed to be? Perhaps. I am keeping an eye out for you, voice-over guy. Or maybe I should say an ear. Keep your cult trance-talk to yourself!

I have to say, though, the last good trailer I have seen was for “There Will Be Blood.” No voice-over guy, basic scenes, slight dialogue from the lead character. The preview was exactly like the movie would be. That’s what we need. Subtly.

Lest we not forget, children, what the Bard said:

“Brevity is the soul of wit.”

Take note, Hollywood fucks.

The Great Depression

2008-04-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, dear readers. I am unfortunately a bit too poor to afford such luxuries. Our modern Great Depression is wreaking havoc on my lifestyle and in this world, power and food come before the internet. I shall return, though. I shall return.

Bet

2008-03-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

Well the kid finished the Bar. Now the anxiety sets in. This past week was a Monday through Wednesday hell-a-thon, fortunately Wednesday night I shut down a few of my favorite Jacktown watering-holes. I have to say, despite my anxious thoughts regarding the Bar exam, I feel ok. Its like Rocky just wanting to go the distance. Being done with that son of a bitch is almost enough. Last summer I was not ready and knew I couldn’t do it. This time, I put the study in, I accepted my fate and dove head first. Hopefully, its enough, but life is a fucking crap-shoot, and I’ve never been a good shooter. So, cats and kitten, gimme 8 the Hard Way and a twenty dollar ace-deuce; I’m done and ready for the next adventure.

Of Note

2008-02-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to everyone, I am on hiatus from posting anything until after the bar, God willing, I survive. For information, please dial 9.

Happy New Year's Hal and Mals

2007-12-31T17:10:00.001-08:00

Well the New Year is upon us, gang. In a few hours, the Western Hemisphere will be ringing in the tidings of 2008. Your Expatriate, dear reader, will be spending a quiet safe New Year's here at my fortified compound in the Northern most reaches of the Great State, sipping Ice Picks and contemplating my writing endeavors.

I want to send out the blessings of a New Year to all of my family, and to my wonderful friends throughout this wide world, who I cannot be with tonight, especially my dear friends in Jacktown, a few of which will be ringing in 2008 at one of my favorite rathkellers, Hal and Mals.

Happy New Year's Hal and Mals, happy New Year's Katie, Todd, Jenn, Laura, Lucy, Zuga, G-man, and most of all, happy New Years Frank. Thank you for the picture.

The Ghosts of the Past

2007-12-31T14:12:00.001-08:00

Ok, I admit it. Goddamnit, I admit it. I live in the past, when it comes to music. I’m sure everyone is glad to hear me say that. Especially one very vocal critic of my musical tastes. I love Led Zeppelin, I love Santana, I love CCR and The Beatles. Sue me. My favorite songs and artists come from a time, a simpler time, when Rock and Roll was Rock and Roll. A time before Hip Hop and Rap. One of my friends once said that I didn’t really like anything that wasn’t produced before 1982. That is basically true, but with a few qualifiers. I love some grunge and I love some 80s rock. Yes, I also love Jazz and a good bit of Country. I also have a deep affinity for Classical music. However, when everything shakes out, my true love is great 1960s and 1970s Rock and Roll. Gimme a hard driving beat, drums, guitar and screeching vocals. Gimme folksy Bob Dylan and Gram Parsons. I’ll take it.

There comes a time, dear reader, in every social critic’s life, when they have to eat some crow. So, for the sake a pretty good new pair of musicians, I’m going to pony up to the table and ask for seconds on Today’s Special of Fried Crow. Pass the fork, knife and hot sauce. I have to begrudgingly admit that a new band that I was recently hipped to, is actually, sort of, possibly, maybe………….good. The band, you ask? Ghostland Observatory. The other night, my very vocal critic of my musical tastes, called me up and told me to check out this group, Ghostland Observatory, on Austin City Limits. I bitched and moaned about how it was just electric slop and griped about the lack of real Rock and Roll being present in their music. Well, the next day I found myself on Myspace listening to their songs and have been listening steadily ever since. Yes, I dig them. Yes, I think they are pretty bad ass. And yes, I probably will go see them when they come around my way. So there you go, folks. My admission of guilt. I was blinded by my own self-righteousness about what is good music. I am digging the Ghostland.

Darker

2007-12-30T14:55:00.001-08:00

So I have decided to update the look of my blog. I experimented with a few new names, such as "American Colossus" and "The Mississippi Mega Blog Monster Experience" but concluded that I better just stick with being the Ole Miss Expat. I hope everyone approves, however I doubt I would really give a shit if people didn't, considering there are only a handful of people that actually read my musings and rantings.

So inspiration hit me the other night. I began writing a new story and I really think its going to be interesting. I ran it by the Panda and she was repulsed by the theme and imagery. Score. She made an interesting note. She told me that my ideas for stories are pretty dark. I guess they are. She said she likes more uplifting stories. My adventures in writing have been to experiment with as many different styles and genres as possible so I guess I'll have to add some inspirational stuff for the Panda.

I have a deep fascination with very dark southern Gothic themes. I guess I just enjoy exploring the darker sides of humanity, rather than the happy bunny side of life. My life is pretty mundane so I find my kicks in the fiction of the macabre.

Music Mind/Holidays

2007-12-27T11:28:00.000-08:00

The holiday blues are always a big topic around, well, the holidays. I pointed out to a friend of mine that there are two types of Christmas music; melancholy, such as “The Carol of the Bells” or happy, such as “Here Comes Santa Claus.” There really is not a middle ground. People usually divide up into either the melancholy group or the happy group. I am most certainly a melancholy type of fellow during the Christmas season. I cannot say that I am melancholy because of Santa not delivering what I really want and I cannot say that I am melancholy because my family is desperately insane. The real reason I am melancholy during these wreath and garland days has more to do with the uncertainty that next year will bring. The Christmas/New Year’s revelry only makes me reflect on the mistakes of the previous year and inspire an intense fear for the next 12 months. So I sit in my apartment and listen to “The Carol of the Bells” ringing out a Medievalesque warning that the holidays have arrived.

Overlords

2007-12-19T09:07:00.000-08:00

Is it the fact that the old return and usurp what the young can never duplicate? Is this idea of Modern Music at its end, only to have the death knell played by a band that disappeared ages ago? Or perhaps this is just something magical, something that happens once in a lifetime, that a group of musicians, musicians who made some of the greatest music in the history of Rock and Roll or any other genre, rise up again and cast a spell over everyone.

27 years ago, Led Zeppelin broke up after the untimely and tragic death of John Bonham. During their tenure as a great Rock and Roll group, they inspired the next 25 years of music with their driving beats, meaningful lyrics and epic songs. All of the members of the group have been hailed as timeless and powerful.

Flash forward to 2007. A reunion show. People clammering for a tour. Bonham’s son taking the place of his father. A rebirth. The gods return from Olympus. Like so many fans of great Rock and Roll, I along with the multitudes of kids who grew up in the 80s and 90s, only knew Zeppelin from posters, bumper stickers, box sets, radio count downs and the legends of people who saw them live. We never got to see them. We only heard about them through our speakers. Well the time, hopefully, has come again. An older band, maybe slightly out of their prime, but they return at the turn of the tide.

Rock and Roll needs this. Rock and Roll needs guidance and a resurgence back to its roots. Rock and Roll needs its gods.

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying: Valhalla, I am coming!

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war. We are your overlords.

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.

-Immigrant Song, Led Zeppelin

Trying New Stuff

2007-12-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

Slowly, slowly, slowly, I join the technolog-i-macal human race. Here is a video for you kids to enjoy. Its one of my favs. A classic Washburn guitar and one of the oldest, most classic blues songs. Its called Make a Pallet on Your Floor. The song is about cracking.

Music: Assasin of Youth

2007-12-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

I was thinking a lot about music today and I stumbled onto a revelation. Perhaps it’s the beer I’ve been drinking. Who knows, the disparity between the two is so slight, does it really matter? Anywho, I was contemplating great music while listening to Ruby Tuesday by the Stones and something struck me in the face. Great music should have the same affect on the audience as a person who walks into the middle of a conversation. Not just a mundane conversation, but a great conversation between people who are talking about amazing and interesting things. You, as the innocent passer-by stumbles in and only catches great poetic phrases that stick deeply into your brain, such as, “She would never say where she came from…” That is from the Ruby Tuesday by the Stones. That is a great phrase that is almost like the end of a sentence, rather than the beginning of a song. As a music critic in the Classic meaning of the phrase, I think that is what I strive for. To find great songs that are poetic endings and beginnings. Who ever really cared for the middle, anyway? By the way, Scarlet, this is how you should be blogging.

Forward Rebels

2007-11-30T14:45:00.000-08:00

Well I have not done a sports post here in a while, so I felt that I should, now that Ole Miss’ embarrassing season is over. The Rebs hurt my feelings this year, so I have been reluctant to post anything. With the entry of Houston Nutt, I do have a few things to say, so listen up Ole Miss faithful and slack jawed yokels. Here we go:

1) Lets all be realistic about next season. I do not want promises of Sugar Bowls and SEC titles. I want a .500 season.
2) I want us to beat the shit out of State next year to shut up the folks that are singing Croom’s praises. Nutt better get on that.
3) Lets utilize our recruits and not work against them. Too much talent has been squandered lately.
4) Fire Pete Boone. Your time is past, bubba.
5) Retire Khayat. Your time is past, bubba.
6) I say pull some redshirts and lets get a few of these guys on the field. Like, now.
7) I want no one, and I mean no one, to talk up Snead like he is the next best thing to sliced bread. I want him to pocket-pass, calm down, and watch film all the time. Get on that one too, Nutt.
8) Lastly, and this is the biggy: ALL OF OUR HIGH POWERED ALUMNI NEED TO STAY OUT OF THE FUCKING FIELD HOUSE. LET COACH NUTT RUN HIS TEAM AND HIS PERSONNEL. THE ALUMNI’S POSITION IS IN THE GROVE AND IN THE STANDS. Our program has been pretty clean, but I have the stinking suspicion that there are some hands creeping in, trying to guide things. Stay out.

Anywho, gang. There you go. So until next season, Forward Rebels, March to Fame.

Marketing Data or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

2007-11-22T20:25:00.001-08:00

Ok, haven’t been blogging much. Got a bone to pick, so I felt like this was a good way to vent and get back into the groove. Now that myspace and all the rest of the social networking sites are taking over the way we conceptualize the internet, myspace and the rest are apparently becoming the proving ground for up and coming television shows. For example: the myspacetv show, “Quarterlife.” This show centers around a group of 20-somethings trying to figure out their place in life. Now, as a self-diagnosing schizo-paranoid weirdo, I long ago diagnosed myself with the “Quarter-Life Crisis” which is a name for a time in young people’s lives, especially of my generation, when they faced with a world that has educated them to the Nth degree, yet refuse to accept and accommodate them into society. Typical Quarter Life Crisis symptoms include, an apathetic attitude, an aversion to older generations, a feeling of not belonging, etc… Now, back to the show. This show on myspacetv deals with these 20-something artists, living somewhere like LA, perfect skin, perfect bodies, but going through the same Quarter-Life Crisis as me. Right? Wrong. Watch a few episodes of this tripe and you will pick up pretty quick that this show is nothing but a commercial for Toyota. Hell, a good chunk of the fucking dialogue happens in the car, which happens to be a Toyota. The whole show also revolves around the fact that one of the central character blogs about all her shit on myspace. Hmmm. Wait, I used to do that and now I’m on this blog. Goddammit. They have co-opted my whole life! Get out of my head myspace!!! My only question is whether or not myspace will be using the data they compile from all the people who watch this horse shit and sell it to marketing firms who are desperately still trying to figure out how to sell us more useless shit like “Quarterlife.” Oh yea, NBC has pick up this crap for ’08. It will probably be a huge hit, win a shit ton of emmys and I’ll still be blogging and still living an actual “Quarter-Life Crisis.”

Basketball, China and Mall Bar

2007-10-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today I hit up a new bar here at the top of the Great State. Yes, yes, I sold out my old haunts for a job and a bar in a strip mall. Sue me. I needed a gig. Anywho, this place is a chain of sorts, seeing as it has three other locations, or so I’ve been told. From the outside, its pretty mundane, like any other store in a strip mall. Uniformly built to the specs of the mall’s aesthetic orders. On the inside, though, I have to say I was impressed. Nice wooden bar, friendly bartenders who wanted to know my name. The whole deal. The only problem was that it only made me miss my old haunts and old friends even more. Nostalgia hit me like a freight train. This bar will serve its purpose, but I just might have found the best places back down in the Capitol City.

So I was watching basketball at this bar. For the purposes of this blog, we’ll call this bar, “Mall Bar.” Basketball in October. Fucking strange world. For some reason, the NBA has decided to do a series of “China Games.” Basketball in China. Before the game, ESPN was doing a whole thing about how wonderful Beijing is and how its all lit up like Times Square. Yea, go 100 miles outside of Beijing and it’s the Middle Ages. Back in 1989 China sold its soul for neon lights and government controlled capitalism. I wonder if Mao ever predicted this? Mao once said, “Religion is the opiate of the people.” The adage should have included that neon is a derivative of the poppy plant. The West is so afraid to show pictures of the Dalai Lama with Bush for fear of pissing off the Chinese, and ESPN broadcasts live from downtown Beijing. Something wrong with this picture? Selling products and endorsing Gatorade is ok, but human rights take a backseat to a country where most of the people live in the 16th century.

So I sit at Mall Bar and watch ESPN glorify the worst human right abusing country in the history of the world. I finish my beer at the strip mall and go home, amazed that I live in a country that wears blinders in favor of Gatorade and LeBron James.

Country Music Post

2007-10-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

There is something sadistic about the Patsy Cline song, "I Fall to Pieces." I don't know what it is. Her voice was so haunting, it almost creeps me out. This is not to say that I absolutely don't love Patsy Cline, because I do. I harp a good bit about how much I love an older sound of country music. Patsy might just hit that nail on the head. Hank Williams, Merle Haggard, and Patsy all have this sound that speaks about a poor life, only filled briefly with diversion and enjoyment. Today's country music lacks that. The sound out of the Nashville establishment sounds more like people living a life of leisure, with only a few moments of despair and horror. I am a consummate critic of everything and country music is no exception. Sure, there are a few country songs here and there, made in the last 10 or so years that I actually appreciate, but for authenticity, I have to go back 30 or 40 years. I guess its the same with rock and roll.

I am Danny Devito

2007-10-15T20:17:00.001-07:00

So the kid found a job. Actually, the job fell my way. This whole experience serves to illustrate the point taken from "Its a Wonderful Life," which is, "No man is ever poor who has friends." Thanks to a wonderful friend, I have a job and it really is a wonderful life.

Wow. That was sappy. Well, kiss my ass. There. Is that snarky enough for you, dear reader?

Tomorrow I start my new job and hopefully I won't fall on my ass. Somehow I doubt I will, seeing as there are too many good people that work with me to let that happen, but hey, I am a world-renown klutz.

Basically what I will be doing will be akin to Danny Devito's job in "The Rainmaker." For further inquiries, please dial 9 or wait for an operator.

Living up here at the top of The Great State is interesting. My apartment is luxurious, there are tons of Applebees and I only know 3 people. Let the adventures start!

Just a quick note to update you dear reader. Stay tuned.

Don't Call It A Comeback

2007-10-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

Alright. Alright. ALRIGHT, GODDAMMIT!! I'm back, cats and kittens. Your truly finally landed a job, but at a great price. I am being forced to leave the capitol city and head to other parts of the Great State in search of my fortune. I leave behind good times and great memories, but I'll always come back. When I first moved to Jack-Town I was pretty disappointed because I was leaving the happy hunting grounds of Oxfordtown. Over the years, though, I've grown to love the Capitol City and relish in its danger and eclectic style. Unfortunately, the baby boomers still have a death grip on all the good jobs, so I'm packing up my bags and heading to new spring and winter quarters to hunt for better pelts and meet new natives.

The job hunt was grueling and as with everything in life it came down to who you know. Well, a friend came through and I've gotten something lined up. The kid was down in the third, but it was a TKO after 4. Just don't call it a comeback.

Ghost Writing

2007-07-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

I watched Stephen King's "Salem's Lot" today. During college I took a great class in Gothic literature and my professor stated very plainly that of all of King's books, "Salem's Lot" was the best and one of the best additions to the American canon of literature. I have read the book a few times, and I have to say this made for television movie is a good interpretation of it.

Anyone that knows King, knows that he common elements are the supernatural, fear, children, memories, a return and redemption. What is interesting is that "Salem's Lot" incorporates all of King's classic elements and places them in an almost 19th century tale of vampires. Genius, pure genius.

I always try to write, but its people like King who figure out what it really takes to be a writer.

Today at the bar I had a discussion with a woman about poetry. She told me a few of her poems. They were interesting, perhaps a little grandiose, but they kept your attention and she had good diction. I was accommodating, but disagreed with her about one point. Her idea of writing is that a person should use writing as an emotional outlet and at least for her, her writing comes from pent up emotions and flow outward like a waterfall. Sort of a catharsis on paper. Therapists have recommended this approach for years. I have to say, in much of my writing, I do the same thing. I wait for a creative burst and let it spill out onto paper. However, for me, a true writer is someone who learns to control these bursts and let them come out in a slow fashion. Careful, calculated and diligent. She disagreed and said the best work came from sudden bursts. Its a tough argument, but I have to imagine that Faulkner, Hemingway, Wolfe and yes, Stephen King mastered the art of opening that creative vein and letting it flow slowly, carefully and with a sharp and masterful point.

Cash

2007-07-19T00:48:00.000-07:00

I seriously doubt that I have blogged about this, and I felt, being slightly intoxicated and emotional, that I should. So here goes.

I was thinking about Johnny Cash today, as I normally do think about great musicians. There isn't much I can write about that hasn't been covered by much better writers than myself, but I do have a few words that took me a while to put into context.

Johnny Cash was the quintessential American musician. He was uncompromising, passionate, a consummate writer, a spiritual beacon, opinionated, professional, weak, strong, and an overall musician's musician. I can sit and listen to his bourbonesque voice for hours. He had a talent for pushing his beliefs when they were not popular, no matter what. He believed what he believed, whether you agreed with it or not. At the end of the day you had to respect him. He forced it from you. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Gospel Hall of Fame. Country Music Hall of Fame. He wore black for the oppressed, the dying soldier, the illiterate, the down-trodden and the homeless. He was the Man in Black. Without Johnny Cash, the American puzzle is truly incomplete.

Johnny Cash was so goddamn cool that he could span four decades of music with original songs that are still covered and revered by musicians today.

Johnny Cash was called home on September 12, 2003 and I think everyone misses him as much as I do.

Funny Shit

2007-07-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

I have to sing the praises of a new website, well its not that new, but its new to me. Its called Super Deluxe and its one of Turner's new incarnations of web-tainment. Basically, its a shitload of comedians and entertainment people who have gotten together and produced web only cartoons and live action skits. The stuff is really funny and include skits like The Professor Brothers, Lonely DJ and The Maria Bamford Show. One of my favs is The Derek and Simon show and is produced by Bob Odenkirk, one of the creators of Mr. Show and a regular on Tim and Eric's Awesome Show.

The humor is total absurdist humor and situation comedy, but not from a traditional plot. Its my number 1 pick right now, as far as web based entertainment, so check it out.

Think of it like youtube, except with pros doing most of the work. The site allows fans to upload their own videos and take a stab at comedy. I think that is a great idea and involves fans and allows them to get pros to view their ideas.

Look at the site and enjoy.

www.superdeluxe.com

Trying, Trying, Trying

2007-07-18T15:41:00.001-07:00

Ok, so recently one of my avid readers, and I suspect one of my only readers accused me of not blogging enough. I have decided to make it up to everyone, so here goes.

What have I been doing? Well, in not so many words, trying to get a job. I have concluded that I really don't want to practice law so I apply to everything available where I think a law degree my prove useful to someone or some corporation or company or demonic wiccan cult of Mormons. Ok, that last one was a joke. I would never apply to a demonic wiccan cult of Mormons unless they had a pretty good insurance plan.

The problem with applying to everything under the sun is that either a) HR departments that post jobs on websites only do that for shits and giggles, because I have yet to hear back from any of them or b) a law degree can hurt you. I say hurt you, because I mean that I wonder if people think I'm joking or not serious. Goddammit I am.

I was eating at Broad Street the other day and found myself starring at a stack of applications for servers and cooks. Jesus Christ.

What else have I been up to? Well my insomnia has been raging lately. A few days ago, I didn't sleep for about 30 hours. I was delirious and felt like I was high. I rode around and realized that I probably should not be driving. Finally, I fell asleep for a few hours. My friend informed me that it can take up to a month to satisfy the "sleep debt" that your body incurs from non regular sleeping patterns. It will probably take me more like a year to repair the damage. Mostly, I look for jobs, drink a bit and worry about the bar.

I tried calling back the only job where I actually got a few interviews with. The guy is out of the state. I wonder if they just tell me that shit, or if its actually true. Word around the camp fire is that they are going to make a decision this week on who made the cut. Its like trying to be the most popular kid. You wear a nice suit, laugh at alot of jokes, but the whole time your thinking, "give me the goddamn job!"

Applying for jobs on the internet is strange. All these damn websites post all these jobs, but mostly they are for truck drivers or work from home scams involving stuffing envelopes.

I'll keep it up, though.

An Open Threat to the Baby Boomer Generation

2007-07-13T01:53:00.000-07:00

Just a little bit longer. Why not get a higher education? Why not get a masters degree? Or a law degree? You become more valuable. Who says these things? People with only an undergraduate degree. Just a little bit longer. Why not take an internship? You know, everyone starts at entry level. You have to realize that you just don't have any experience. Sound familiar? Thats a conversation between someone of my generation and someone of the older generation. When I think back on every time that I have heard the garbage come out of the Baby Boomers, it makes me sick. To listen to a law professor lecture about how important the bar is, when in fact he never took the bar because during his time in law school, if you graduated from Ole Miss law, you automatically were granted a law license. Money is another funny thing. The Baby Boomers have the largest concentration of wealth in this country, all tied up in their mutual funds, retirement funds, "paid for" houses, etc... Meanwhile, my generation struggles with rising costs of renting an apartment and trying not to get married until they at least have a job at the bottom of the ladder. The Baby Boomers thought their kids grew up to be fucked up, wait until you see the next crop. Growing up in an apartment or moving back in with grandma and grandpa.

Just jump through this hoop. Good boy. Ok, now sit up? Good. Now fetch! Thats what I hear. At the same time they are barking orders to you, the have this comical view of technology, as if its interesting, but lets just leave it at that. Blog? Huh? A blackberry? You mean the pie? Then everyone has a loud laugh, as if something is funny. Oh you kids with your Nintendos and mountain bikes. When will you learn that the world is made of hand churned butter and memories. The Baby Boomers relish in nostalgia and just pray, as hard as they can, that the fountain of youth will be found in the swamps of Florida. No wills. No estate planning. Environment? Oh, hell. It will always be there. The Baby Boomers, for whatever reason, have failed to grasp the concept that the future actually does matter. They don't embrace "the new" but only crave "the old." They wear the '60s around like a goddamn Red Badge of Courage and think that today's music is just too loud. Did they forget about Hendrix, or did he not fit on the Badge? Selective memory is a motherfucker.

Go away. Thats what I say. Retire, liquidate our assets and go on cruises. Quit your jobs, please lord, quit your jobs and get the fuck out of our way. My generation is a generation turning 30 and just now entering the workforce. To the Baby Boomers, we are all "kids" even if we are in our late 20s and they just can't take us seriously.

They should, though. Social Security is a privilege, not a right. Remember that Boomers.

Three Dimensions

2007-07-05T12:50:00.001-07:00

If you read this blog you know that I watch the news alot. I mean ALOT. MSNBC, Fox News, CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, BBC, and all the local news channels. Not to mention I check Reuters and the AP, hourly on the internet. Well the other day I was watching the news and I saw an interesting story that got me thinking. Recently, a porn store in south Jackson was busted for selling sex toys. This isn't the first time this has happened in Jackson or Mississippi. What struck me as being funny is that the lead investigator stated that the investigation had being going on for a while and "local citizens had been complaining about the sex toys." What? Were the vibrators coming un-holstered and attacking random people? Did someone get robbed by a criminal using a large plastic penis? Doubtful. With all the money in salaries, gas, time, surveillance, and over-time, I wonder how much this "raid" cost the taxpayers of Jackson? Lets not forget THERE HASN'T BEEN A SINGLE GODDAMN ARREST FOR THE SALE OF DOPE IN JACKSON IN LIKE 8 MONTHS! Are all the tax dollars for law enforcement in Jackson going to "porn investigations?" Most likely. The cops must be really bored. I think someone needs to sit down with the law enforcement of Jackson and have a serious discussion about whats an important crime and whats a silly crime. Dope? Pretty important. A dildo? Not so important. 12 year old kid getting shot in his house? Pretty important. A clerk selling a lady a vibrator? Not so important. The way I see it, if someone wants to buy a "three dimensional object for sexual gratification", thats their business. If someone wants to sling dope, thats everyone's business. Jackson needs to wake the fuck up and prioritize the crimes. We are on our way to having a record year in crime.

Now, all this talk about sex toys and illegality got me thinking. I do alot of thinking. Anyone ever heard of Passion Parties? Throughout my travels and various places I have lived in this great state, I have known several women who have either 1)hosted Passion Parties or 2)attended Passion Parties. Are they doing something illegal? Yup. According to Mississippi law and thus why not subject them to the same punishment as these people in south Jackson? Why not? Most likely because the cops would have to get probable cause, then a warrant, then raid some house where 6 or 7 giggly women are sitting around talking about vibrators and relationships. LOL. Now that would make the best episode of "COPS," ever. Think about it. The cops approach the house and use one of those battering rams to knock down the door. "Get your fucking hands up!!!! Drop the vibrator!!! Get on the ground!!! Now!!!!!" LOL.

See, Passion Parties, along with the Casinos or as we call them in the Great State, "The Boats," are the big giant pink elephants in the room. Everyone knows about them, but you don't talk about them in polite conversation. Let me see if I can do a run down of all the women I know who have told me they have attended Passion Parties (no I'm not going to name names):

Teachers
Mothers
Wives
Jr. Leaguers
Reporters
Rich
Poor
Middle Class
Upper Class
Nymphos
Super Conservatives

Outlaws

2007-07-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

Well kiddies, its been a while since I've been on here. I've been doing some writing and keeping myself busy with insomnia. Ever since Paris went to jail, well, I've just been so distraught I couldn't think. If you buy that, I've got a nice bridge in New York that I can get you a great price on.

Lately, I've been watching a shitload of youtube videos that probably violate some copyright laws. There are a ton of great classic country videos on there and one has got me thinking. If you know me, you know I'm a big fan of classic outlaw country, such as Willie Nelson and Charlie Daniels. I've never been much into mainstream country, although Garth Brooks did grow on me. Sitting up at Hal and Mal's one day, me and a friend were talking about the difference between mainstream country and outlaw country. Just because someone can put a twang in their voice and play a few chords doesn't make them a real country musician, much in the same way that just because a person can put a band-aid on a cut, doesn't make them a doctor.

I have to say that I pretty much despise the Nashville country music scene, or at least what has been passing as country music for the past 20 years or so. Like with the rest of American music, everyone is still living on the accomplishments of artists such as Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings. The musicians today are so "produced" that they forget to actually write something meaningful or at least take note of good writers. Nashville is just the southern version of Los Angeles.

American music is an industry of products and service. When those two ideas, producing something and providing a service mix too much, what suffers is creativity. Look in the past and it was just as relevant. When Willie Nelson first showed up in Nashville, no one would listen to his demos and he couldn't get a recording contract to save his life. 50+ albums later and hundreds and hundreds of songs later he is an American Institution.

The problem with Nashville is there are too many people who work on the ancillary side of the production of music. Hundreds of labels owned by a few domineering recording companies, has created only niche markets with too many producers claiming credit on other people's creativity, if there is any. Its disgusting to hear someone claim to be a recording executive who has an MBA and thinks that he knows good music. Well just listen to garbage coming out of Nashville and thats all I hear. Some MBA motherfucker figuring out just how many units can be moved and how to slickly market a new Shania Twain album.

The great thing is that whenever an industry becomes over-saturated with executives and non-creative people, a burgeoning anti-establishment movement arises. In Nashville and across the south, a new outlaw country movement has been taking shape over the last so many years. Artists like Horton Heat, Hank III and Unknown Hinson. People that are trying to get back to a few of the roots and suprise, suprise; actually writing their own material.

Everything comes back around, it just takes time. Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristofferson, and Willie Nelson recorded together at one time, known as The Highwaymen. In their #1 hit, The Highwayman, Johnny Cash says this at the end of the song, and its pretty appropriate for anyone who hopes for better music:

I'll fly a starship

Across the Universe divide

And when I reach the other side

I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can

Perhaps I may become a highwayman again

Or I may simply be a single drop of rain

But I will remainAnd I'll be back again

and again, and again, and again, and again

Apocalypse Wow!

2007-06-08T10:35:00.001-07:00

I was just watching MSNBC when Paris Hilton was ordered back to court. Well, thats it folks. The apocalypse is upon us. As Hilton was driving off in the police cruiser, hundreds, literally, hundreds of camera men mobbed the car and swamped it. The cops had to force their way out. Has our society sunk this low where the public is so desperate for information about a rich, non-college educated, convicted, almost completely useless person? I mean, seriously. With everything going on in the world, this is front page news? They have to have live coverage of her going to court for a misdemeanor? So my conclusion is this: this is the 7th sign of the apocalypse and we are all about to explode in a fiery end. I think the next few signs have something to do with the sky turning to the color of sack-cloth and brimstone raining from the heavens. Better check the weather.

Fahrenheit 451

2007-06-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

Pictured above are some dickhead Nazis burning books in Germany in the 1930s. Incidentally the Nazis were driven from power and their ideology is now compared to anyone who represses ideas, commits atrocities, or enjoys goose-stepping around Florida schools.

Fuming. I'm just sitting here fuming after reading an article about a south Florida school that wants to remove a Cuban children's book from the libraries there. Here is the article: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070605/ap_on_re_us/cuba_book_ban

Now I'm a pretty bitter and cynical person, but anyone who knows me, knows that I am a patriot through and through and the one thing I do not back down on is The Bill of Rights. I can't even write much I'm so fucking mad. Just to say this: I bet that the same libraries that this fucking school wants to ban this children's book from, also have copies of Mein Kampf. For you who don't know what that is, its the book Hitler wrote. I can't write anymore, my blood pressure is too fucking high. Fuck that Florida school board, fuck that idiot that proposed banning it and fuck anyone else who wants to ban books. Yea, thats right.

2007-06-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

2007-06-05T22:39:00.000-07:00

The Sins of The Father

2007-05-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

No hand can make the clock strike for me the hours that are passed.

-Lord Byron

As the James Ford Seale trial gears up with jury selection, a local media outlet, The Jackson Free Press has been reporting pretty hard core on this Civil Rights era murder case. I am grateful that charges have been brought in this case and I agree that murder should never have a statute of limitations, but I have a problem with the soap box tactics of the JFP in polarizing this issue into "your either with us, or against us." Through this case, the JFP and specifically, Donna Ladd, have found another reason to indict everyone in this state, young and old, as long as they are white, as being culpable in the murders of black victims of racially based Civil Rights era killings. The JFP and Donna Ladd have found it appropriate to advocate for the white citizens of this state to apologize for lynchings, murders, and racially based hate from the past. If people wish to apologize for these types of actions, perhaps people who were there or committed the acts, I say go for it. If someone feels that much guilt that they need to confess, apologize or repair damage they feel responsible for, take the first step and do it. However, and this is a big however, I feel no responsibility for what happened to black victims of racially charged murders or violence during an era, time, period, and place that I did not exist. Make no mistake, I feel very sorry for the families who lost people to senseless violence, I feel sorry for the millions of black people who had to ride at the back of the bus or who could not even eat at a diner with white people. I feel sorry for the fact that a great leader like Dr. Martin Luther King was gunned down by a coward, as was Medgar Evers. Mississippi and the United States lost great minds when these two leaders were murdered. However, I was not responsibly for what happened in any of these cases. I owe no one, any kind of responsibility except for what I do in my life. My family was in this state before statehood and fought on the side of the Confederacy and I do no apologize for this, because I had no hand in those decisions. Very possibly, many of my ancestors in this state, were racists, ignorant, and advocated for Jim Crow laws. I do not apologize for this, because this was not my doing. Many people who might read this, might say, "well, he is just a goddamn racist." No I am not. I don't apologize for the past, because its not my life and if I make a disingenuous apology for those things, I might as well apologize for the atomic bomb being dropped on Hiroshima, apologize for Cortez's massacre of the Aztecs and apologize for any other travesty committed against another people. I work very hard in my life to make friends from all walks of life. I count myself very lucky to have black friends, white friends and a best friend from the former Yugoslavia. I apologize for my life and my transgressions, but I will never take blame for what others have wrought. The JFP and Donna Ladd have decided to indict everyone who happens to be white in this state for the crimes of the past. Get the killers, get the conspirators, but I will never allow myself to be lumped into their category. Euripides once said, "the gods visit the sins of the father upon the son." Well, this country was founded on the antithesis of the this Greek maxim. The founders of this country understood that passing the crimes and debts of the father to the son was against justice and righteousness. I agree. I am responsible for myself and no other and I take great pride in that and will not ever apologize for crimes or attitudes that are not my own. So to the JFP and Donna Ladd I am proud of your reporting and helping bring about justice in an old Civil Rights era crime, but never, ever, ever think that you can push me into the category of being a complacent white person who is guilty by association. I push back.

Canned Post

2007-05-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

I am very addicted to TCM, that is Turner Classic Movies. Recently, the bastards that own my cable devil box decided that it was time to update the channels. TCM was added, along with some other bullshit channel called Fox Reality Channel. Jesus. I have an intense love for old movies, and according to my friends, old music. I don't really consider these things that old, just undiscovered. I'm happy to find them and hopefully enhance my mind.

Everyone today seems obsessed with new things, or the next big thing. Hell, I guess thats the way its always been. Me and the Panda, of whom lies about reading this blog, were discussing tonight how our generation lacks many of the self sustaining skills that our forebears had. Such as canning fruit. LOL. Yes, canning fruit, we have concluded is a necessary skill that our generation lacks. I posed the idea to the Panda that maybe life is so complicated today that we need this extreme division of labor and skills. Maybe, or maybe I should learn how to can fruit.

Speaking of reading this blog, I'm not sure many people do. I have been keeping my counters going, but I'm beginning to suspect that there are only about 3 real live people who actually keep up with this record of my thoughts. One of them is me. I wonder what makes a good blog? I could start blogging about sex, drugs and violence, but that just seems so passe. Alot of the popular blogs I have noticed are technology based, such as blogs about Macs or Ipods or whatever the fuck people buy today. I'm pretty far behind the times.

Watched the Liddell/Jackson fight the other day. The undercards were good, but the main event seemed like a waste of time. Yea, yea, I know. Its really hard and UFC is no joke, and no, I'm not going to get in the ring, but come on. Liddell got knocked out in like a minute. Please.

Drank a bit this weekend, however last night I refrained from excess. I just wasn't in the mood. All my friends at the bar were hitting the shots pretty hard and I'm not a shot guy, so I left a little early.

Ramble, ramble ramble. Blah, blah, blah.

Lets Look At Television!

2007-05-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

I was doing a little research today on the Neilsen ratings and how they are obtained. The first way these ratings are gathered is through an extensive system of demographic surveys, in that certain people and families are selected and asked to keep a journal of what they watch, when they watch. This way is pretty basic and is used by all types of industries to gather information about product use. The second, way, however is pretty shady. Through devices planted in cable boxes and the like, called Set Meters, Neilsen ratings are gathered about what your watching. Ergo, if your watching ABC on Monday, someone, somewhere is going to know about it and use that information to give favorable ratings to shows. I'm sure my television watching habits buck the trend. My day typically consists of The Discovery Times Channel, 5 or 6 hours of news from all the news sources, and Star Trek on Spike TV. I cannot remember the last time I actually watched network television in prime time. The only time I'm actually watching CBS is when Lincoln Financial is showing Ole Miss on a Saturday.

The problem with the Neilsen ratings system is it reports according to view watching habits, but does not reflect content. Now I know what your thinking, thats what the Emmys are for, well I don't give two shits about the damn Emmys or any awards shows for that matter. I'm talking about measuring quality. Unfortunately, today, there really isn't a way to measure quality of a television program or channel.

With the rise of the internet into the entertainment medium, coming close to punching television's lights out, big networks and cable channels are getting scared. I don't know too many people today who don't get at least part of their information and news from the internet, not to mention fluff entertainment sources like youtube. Many moons ago, the prophecy was that the integration of all entertainment and information technology would occur in a few years. The great problem is that big money corporations like Newscorp, and GE have delayed the transition because they can't yet discover how to profit from just streaming an entire channel online. Sure, they dish out a few programs here and there online, but nothing that significant.

Why are they so scared? Obviously, losing ad revenues is a frightening concept for these big companies, but I say isn't it time we as a society stop consolidating power and money with entertainment? Why did Jerry Seinfeld need to make a billion dollars an episode? Why do commercials on The Super Bowl cost a ca-trillion dollars a second? Entertainment is meant to be entertainment, not a cornerstone of the GNP.

I listen to a lot of public radio. One of the best shows is Ira Glass' This American Life. A while back they did a show about entertainment and television and featured a segment regarding a television station a guy tried to develop. As strange as it might sound, it was called The Puppy Channel. This guy, who happened to be a retired television and marketing guy, had been in the hospital for some extensive surgery. During his time there he watched a lot of television and was disgusted with the bile that was flung at him vaguely representing entertainment. He came up with the idea of a channel that just showed images of puppies doing funny puppy stuff. After getting out of the hospital he did some research and filmed a pilot. In all of his testing audiences he got higher ratings than Court TV and a few other garbage current television stations. His idea was so basic and so poignant that it really stuck with me. Puppies on television, no voiceovers, no commercials, but paid for with product placement of dog food and other stuff related to dogs. After pitching the idea to a few executives and companies he was laughed out of the building, despite having the extensive market research showing that the Puppy Channel could be more successful than several current shit channels.

This idea got me really thinking. Channels like this could be great. The Landscape Channel. Just sweeping views of valleys and nature, set to classical music. How about The Job Channel, where jobs are listed from all over the country and people just discuss what they do? I think its time to rethink what we want television to do. Neilsen be damned.

Open 24 Hours A Day

2007-05-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

Only a few Sopranos episodes left. Sad. David Chase is a great writer and creator of some incredible shows. I am also a big Northern Exposure fan. I'm really torn on whether I think Tony will end up getting killed. Tonight's episode was pretty violent and set the stage for more to come, however, with Chase at the helm, like with the end of Northern Exposure, don't expect the usual ending with resolutions to all the plots. Chase has a great ability to chop up a traditional linear story and really get the audience sucked in. Its like coming into the middle of a movie and even though your pissed because you missed the first 30 minutes, the dialogue and story are so strong, you have to stick around.

This weekend would qualify as my Lost Weekend. Literally, lawyers, guns, and money. All weekend. I didn't get to sleep until 8 this morning, if thats any indication of how the past few daze went. I'm at that point where I'm so exhausted I can't really think straight and after watching The Sopranos, I'm just trying to focus.

I've been focusing pretty hard on a few songs, recently. John Prine's Sam Stone and The Rolling Stone's Thru and Thru. Also, tonight I heard this song called Shenandoah, which is a traditional song and no one knows where it came from. My friends like to pick at me for only listening to older music, but thats just me. Its like when scientists and historians talk about sunken ships that carried gold. There is more gold in sunken ships than in all the vaults on dry land. My point is, that great music isn't just produced today or on some greatest hits compilation. If you do a little digging, you can find treasure.

Well, not much for today, kiddies. See you next time.

A Slow News Day

2007-05-18T16:07:00.001-07:00

Weekend is here. Good. I'm tired of just being lazy during the week; I need to up my game to the weekend. I am trying to plot on what to do this weekend, but poker armageddon has been called off and the band listings aren't looking to promising. Not looking good for the home team. I think this weekend I'm going to try to discover something completely new to do. Or at least go to a bar I have never been to.

By the way, locals, if you missed the news the other day, Bert Case, a local news anchor was chased by a wild dog. I am glad ol' Bert wasn't hurt, but man was it funny. There is nothing more funny than an older man wildy flailing his arms around like a windmill.

So fair reader, there you go. Two pretty mundane posts in one day. I haven't been feeling too inspired lately, but rest assured, The Expatriate is hard at work and I'll get back to regular postings soon. Keep the faith, bitches.

I'm still inside the box

2007-05-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

Saw Barry Leach last night up at Hal and Mals. He and his band were terribly good. All the while that I am sitting in the restaurant section of H&M's, the "Chick Ball" is going on next door in the Red Room and the Big Room. I had thought about making an appearance over there, but changed my mind once I realized there was going to be spoken word poetry, intermixed with the music. Now, don't get the wrong idea, I do love poetry. Billy Collins, Robert Frost, to name a few, however I just don't feel like drinking a Bud Light and being one of only a handful of men at an event called the "Chick Ball" while I'm listening to an angry lesbian. Sorry if I'm just that much of a dick.

G and the Hippy hung out with me and we sampled some of the new concoctions that H&M's had come up with. I advise everyone to get a taste of their vodka infused stuff and try out the new Lazy Magnolia Indian blend or whatever its called. Nice and spicy.
I'm trying to decide what to do with the rest of today. I still have yet to register for a few things I need to and I have to finish an application or two. With any luck I'll have a job pretty soon and then its all bitches and 22s. Hells yea.

I'm still mulling over the idea of a southern blogazine, a word which I think I have coined. I think it would be a great idea to organize something similar to the Chicagoist and the rest of Gothamist's websites, somehow integrating southern cities with the same flavor. I have researched Movable Type, which is the type of blogging software which powers these websites, or at least some that are similar.

If anyone who reads this blog would be interested in contributing to an idea revolving around a blogazine site for the Jacktown area or anywhere in Mississippi, drop me a message.

A point of interest: I suggest everyone to check out this fellow blogger who does a fantastic job. Months ago, this blog was suggested to me and I think its great. Enjoy.
http://www.frascogna.com/lou/

In the End, He Hated Big Brother

2007-05-13T15:32:00.000-07:00

To say I'm sad school is over, would be a blatant lie. I don't and will not miss school. I have spent the greater portion of my life living under the thumb and schedule of professors and teachers of one type or another and I am so sick of it. Now its over and I'm relieved. My life has be an unfettered stream of unrelenting stress and now this monkey is off my back. Obviously, I will miss getting to see some friends regularly, but we all move in different directions and I know they will be fine. So to academia, professors, buildings, exams, and all the judgments that come with these things; kiss my ass. There is a great song by Sam Cooke called, "A Change is Gonna Come." A change is here for my life.

Before I came to law school I had reached a pretty stable mental and emotional state. Slowly, but surely, law school whittled me down to this near apathetic cynical bastard and I'm so sick of it. I am ready for the next evolution of my life, and despite any potential hardships it might bring, anything has to be better than this. I might be just jaded and forget that plenty of people have it worse, but they don't inhabit my skin.

Graduation day wasn't a great sigh of relief, but more like a series of pre-requisite rituals and stances to be undertaken in order to get on a plane. Think of it like going through a metal detector with a plate in your head. First you walk through, it goes off, you remove your keys and attempt again. Finally you have to point out to the TSA guy that its just a metal plate in your head and not a dangerous weapon. Pursuant to policy, though, they scan you with the wand and pat you down. Satisfied your not a threat to the plane, you embark on your journey.

I have truly no idea what I plan on doing with my life. I have sent out some resumes and emailed a few people, but nothing really strikes my fancy. I enjoy writing and would someday like to make that permanent career, if I could ever get it off the ground. This evolution of my life will most likely entail me trying to pay down my debt and get on my feet. I hope I can plant the seeds of creativity to envision something more rewarding for stage 5 or 6 of my life. Its like a solid growth mutual fund; you have to contribute into order to build equity for the future. This blog is like a steady investment and I'm trying my best to keep it up.

So I'm done and I'm happy for that. I plan on spending the rest of my life being as happy as I can and unmemorializing law school like you would a flat tire.

Nobody said it was easy

Oh it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

-Coldplay, The Scientist

Quickie-Update

2007-05-12T17:19:00.000-07:00

Well school is done. I have finished and if grades prevail, I should be sitting fat, down south. The graduation ceremony was fine, despite being a bit warm under my ritual robes of a Doctor of Law. Mother's day is tomorrow, so remember to pick up a little something for your ma. I don't have much for this post, because I'm a little busy, but I felt that I needed to post something to let you, fair reader, know that I am still alive and exams couldn't kill me. Hopefully, this evening, I'm going to work up a good post. I have a few ideas about a topic I have been meaning to discuss. Stay tuned and check back soon. Until then, Mahalo.

Newspeak

2007-05-01T13:33:00.000-07:00

In this little hamlet that I reside there are newspapers. Big surprise, huh? Well the two more predominant newspapers here are the Clarion Ledger and The Jackson Free Press. The Ledger is a fairly old, established Mississippi newspaper and The Jackson Free Press is a relatively new, alternative newspaper. For whatever reason, The Jackson Free Press continuously rails against the Ledger. A possible cause could be that the parent company of The Ledger, Gannet Corporation, has attempted to edge out the Free Press through some rather shady business practices. In response, the Free Press is constantly on the offensive against anything The Ledger does.

Recently, I was hanging out at one of my usual haunts, downing a few beers and discussing the situation with a, lets say, "executive" with The Ledger. I inquired to this person about why the Free Press despises The Ledger so much. The "executive" responded with, "You know, I really don't know. No one really noticed their little paper until they started whining about everything." I asked the "executive" about the business practices, but this person claimed no knowledge of that.

After a while we started discussing what the problems are with both papers. The Ledger is outdated. Their features revolve around knitting and have no concept of how to use the internet. The Free Press is self-righteous and more than not, prefers to make the news instead of report it. In the end, both papers are sub-par with sub-par editors. I have decided not to take a side in their little war, but sit back and watch them both look like fools. Don't get me wrong, though. I think both papers have many good reporters, I think the problem starts at the top of both of them.

The worst problem about these papers is the polarization that goes on with each. On one side you have the liberal camp, the Free Press, and the other, the established conservative camp, The Ledger. Both sides intensely look down at one another as being stupid. This is indicative about our culture today. Everything descends to polarization because people like the editors and people in charge at each of these media outlets push their agendas as the "right" one. With blogging and internet posting engaging the public on each of these media's websites, people become involve and fall in line behind their leaders. They cease to think for themselves, but merely rely on what is told to them through these media websites.

Dumb Fucking Celebrities

2007-04-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

Years and years ago, back in the dim times, before the last ice age ended, a little show popped up on television called "The Simple Life." Now when I heard about this show, I have to say I was initially excited. I know, I know, dear reader. "How can the Expatriate confess this sin! He is a critic through and through. Well I am, but we all have our failings. Perfection is not of this earth. Anywho, I began watching the show with the hope of this "fish out of water" story heralding a new era where everyone would wise up about just how distant and delusional celebrities are. At the start, it was funny. I liked watching Paris and Nicole fall face first into a big steaming pile of horse shit. I liked when Paris asked, with all sincerity, "what is walmart?" Now I'm just sick of it. After a couple of seasons, their stock has just risen. A few sex tapes later, and they are "businesswomen." Jesus.

Lets do the rundown of how detached celebrities are.

1) Tom Cruise- what can you say about this guy? I love to hear that he has "handlers." LOL. Its like he is a rare white tiger who everyone is hoping will breed. I can only hope for sterility. Whoops. Too late.

2) John Travolta- Vincent Vega recently was quoted as saying "I'm as big as Elvis and Marilyn." Yea right. The last great movie you did was "Pulp Fiction." You and Tom need to leave the Scientology at the alien temple or wherever the hell you worship and maybe borrow a few of Cruise's handlers.

3) Alec Baldwin- Nice tirade on the answering machine. Calling your twelve year old daughter a "pig." Gosh, I just know she'll grow up with no emotional issues.

4) Paris, Britney, Nicole, and Lindsey- Remember that episode of "Southpark" where everyone was shopping at that store called "Dumb Slut" or something like that? LOL.

There are tons of shows like "The Simple Life" around. Celebrity Fit Club, I love New York, and the Surreal World as just a few examples. As you can tell I have gotten tired of using quotes. Anywho, I propose a new idea for a celebrity show. This show would be called "Really Real Life." They get a bunch of self absorbed celebrities that can't keep their fucking mouths shut or keep from doing stupid shit and make them live together. Sounds familiar, right? Wrong. In this show, these celebrities agree to freeze all their assets and money for the period of one year. They all have to move to south Mississippi and live in a 4 bedroom, small house. On top of that, since they don't have money, they all have to use their own skills and educations to get jobs. Local regular jobs, not a bunch of made up shit. Then they have to pay rent, food, living expense and everything. They can only take with them the clothes on their backs. No cellphones, pdas, computers, nothing. They have to aquire everything as they go along. I think it would be great. Morgan Spurlock, the guy from "Supersize Me" did this experiment with his wife for 30 days on his show, "30 Days." It was a real struggle for him and his wife, and they seem like level-headed people. Imagine Tom Cruise, John Travola, Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell and Alec Baldwin trying to get a job at a school or factory. So thats my pitch, someone get on the phone to Hollywood and get it produced.

The Future

2007-04-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

Its such a nice day I decided to sit out on my balcony at my apartment. Its almost a perfect 71 degrees with a slight breeze. This week has been an unending, escalating horror story of stress in my life and today I had to realize that I can't keep worrying about everything. There is so much other shit to worry about instead of papers, exams, bar applications and other frivolous shyte. I'm sick to death of the bullshit my professors keep churning out about getting everything done on time. I'm so tired of these arbitrary deadlines. I just can't take anymore of this crap seriously. I took 3 years out of my life to stay in school and finish an advanced degree. Now at the end, instead of a congratulations and a high paying job, I get informed that the market is too saturated and a "good luck" with a kick on the ass. Gee, thanks. Just from estimating, I'd say

that about 25% of my class have jobs lined up for after school.

You know, I should probably use this for a basis of a writing career. Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, throughout his career, was searching for "The Death of The American Dream." That was his generation, so could my mission be to search for my generation's Dream? What would my generation's Dream be? I have mulled over this idea a few times. Maybe instead of a rebellion against establishment, maybe my generation is meant to "re-establish." Found the new cornerstone of society in a better image than something flighty like the hippies and less centralized like the early Gen Xers. I guess I'm a Gen Xer, but I don't feel like it. Gen X has always been marked with cynicism and critical thought. These ideas, though, are the afterthought of a previous generation feeling guilty about their own past and passed on to their children. Why the fuck should my generation be bound by these rules?

This post is pretty rambling because I just can't get this generational thing out of my mind.

I've seen some of the future leaders of my generation and I have to say that I don't trust the bulk of those fuckers. A bunch of over achieving, soulless, soccer moms and future politicos.

Future Writers:
1) Fratire Male Writers
2) Self-Deprecating Oversexualized Women
3) Ph.D.s in Pop Culture
4) Sport Statiticians
5) Musicologists with advanced work in Hip-Hop as a literary form

Future Politicians:
1) Standard White Republicans
2) Housewife "I'm still 'down' with my kids' Politico
3) Retrocrats that only talk about Reagan and Goldwater

Future Business Leaders:
1) Socially Awkward Nerd that invented the next Internet
2) Face Guys
3) Soccer Mom/Attorney/Soulless Bitch
4) Publishers and Editors of Independent Press magazines and newspapers

Generational War

2007-04-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

Whats this generation gulf between us? Take a look at the captains of industry, politics and just your local friendly neighborhood bosses. There is clearly something going on. I have bitched and moaned for years to anyone who would listen about the problem that exists between my generation (people in their 20s) and the generation above (people in their 40s and 50s.) Johnny Cash wrote a good song about it, something about a different tune and about young people dancing a new step that the old cats of the world don't understand. Whats funny is that song was written from the Baby Boomers to the Greatest Generation. The Baby Boomers were supposed to shake up the world completely, change everything. They were supposed to be the Hippy generation, the generation of change, the generation of hope. Everything they stood for, now, has gone by the wayside in favor of praying for their Social Security and co-opting great songs of the Sixties for Cadillac commercials. It used to be perverse to utilize a song for a strictly shitty commercial purpose, but now its the only way. Its become old hat, but its still sickening to people that cared. The goddamn Hippies who grew up to be investment bankers didn't realize that they passed down their ideas, whether song or literature, to a generation who would get saturated with it. My generation has grown up revering the same things the Baby Boomers did, the difference being we can't appreciate them and use them. They are like isolated instances, only reserved for a previous time. The Baby Boomers have raped the planet, spent wildly without recourse, and convinced a generation, my generation, to be subservient.

Plenty of times I have talked about jobs on here. Always I shift the blame to the Baby Boomers for not retiring or just getting the hell out of the way. A professor of mine recently commented that he was happy that I would have to pay his Social Security and he wouldn't have to worry because he and his ilk (the rest of the Baby Boomers) would be taken care of. In a sarcastic tone, he stated that my generation was another story, basically implying we are screwed. What my professor failed to realize is with that kind of attitude, which I hear everyday from a generation that just can't keep up with mine, is that we will have the keys eventually. Soon, whether the Boomers like it or not, they will have to turn the keys to the country over to my generation. Social Security is a privilege in this country, not a right. Remember that professor.

The generation gulf only gets bigger everyday. Recently a friend of mine tried to explain a relatively new idea about parenting to an older Boomer. The Boomer just couldn't wrap his elderly head around it. He didn't believe it. Its just like back in the Wright Brothers days. I can just see it. Some old timer sitting on a porch, swearing up and down that man will never fly. No way, he would shout to the heavens. Flash forward a couple of decades and Japanese Zeros are bombing Pearl Harbor. The gulf has always been there, and I'm sick of trying to span in backwards to let the Boomers catch up. I'm sick of job retraining, Internet courses for non-traditional students and "Video Professor" for soon-to-be retirees trying to figure out how to operate Myspace. All of these are code for "I'm stuck in my ways and I hate technology." My patience is wearing thin for anyone who cannot at least accept new things and new ways.

So whats the answer? Do we bridge the gulf and help the Boomers retire peacefully? Maybe there will be a generational war of attrition with my generation rising up and crushing the establishment. Maybe it will be a bloodless revolution in which we just simply put the Boomers out to pasture and let them quietly slip away. All I do know is my generation has a lot of shit to fix that has been fucked up by an older, self-righteous, war mongering, deficit spending, bunch of lunatics. I'm sick of them and I'm ready for my generation to get their turn at running this big blue planet.

Kurt Vonnegut: 1922-2007

2007-04-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

Kurt Vonnegut died today. He was one of the last of a great generation of writers among the likes were Heller, Kerouac, Thompson and a few others. Vonnegut was part of the 'Greatest Generation,' but saw the horror of WWII and was not blinded by any patriotic virtues. This was reflected in his writing throughout his life regarding the ridiculousness of war and the winding corridors of insanity. He was 84 years old and suffered brain trauma from a fall in his apartment.

Everyone loves "Breakfast of Champions" and "Slaughterhouse-5" but I have to say that my favorite was "Galapagos." I encourage everyone to grab a Vonnegut book and get lost in it. Its pretty easy to do.

Happy Trails Billy Pilgrim. See you across the River.

Money and Death

2007-04-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had our 'scared straight' infomercial about repaying out student loans. I expected to see a mangled older guy wearing prison blues to come in and scream at us about being a bitch in prison because he couldn't make his payments. Fortunately, my imagination is never as good as reality. We all crammed ourselves into a room and a contracted company displayed powerpoint presentation featuring such hits as, "Make a Budget! Don't Forget to Save!" and everyone's favorite, "Consolidation Blues." After a full hour of this tripe, I noticed that a recurring phrase was "death or permanent physical incapacitation will discharge your loans." Its like they were alluding to the fact that the only way you get out of paying is dying or suffering a horrible head injury. As if there is no way to pay your loans in full and the only fate you have to look forward to is being 80 and still paying a couple of grand a month in loan payments or dying and getting out of it.

Way Too Busy

2007-04-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, gang. I'm trying to handle some school stuff that is kicking my ass these past few days. Also, I have like a million other things going on in my life. School has become a burden on my life and I'm exhausted with it. The countdown is on, though.

I did want to mention, I'm not a Sanjaya fan. It seems like everyone has signed onto "Idolatry" in this country, but not this blogger. I promise I'll blog soon with some good shit.

Media Pushes Agenda: Film at Eleven

2007-04-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I went and watched Karaoke yesterday. One of the local self righteous media outlets hosted Karaoke with the majority of people singing coming from the staff of this media outlet. To say it was bad is putting it lightly. And not bad in a funny way, but more like bad in a sad way. Wow. I am really downing on them. I guess lately I have just been so pissed at their publication due to their agenda. What the fuck happened with the media world, where everyone has to have an agenda? Recently this media publication had a lead story on a local plaintiff's attorney who is running for governor. On the interior of the story the headline read: "Jesus rode a donkey." Jesus Christ, if that isn't a bias, one sided endorsement of a candidate, I don't know what is. Also, this plaintiff's attorney and Jesus have some SERIOUS disparities when it comes to character. LOL. Anywho, I'm just sick to death of media and local media for that matter, pushing a specific agenda based on their view of the world. Either make the news or report it, you stupid fucks, make a goddamn choice.

The New Pornography

2007-04-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

I think it was "Fight Club" that made the point that the new pornography was IKEA and home furnishings. People staying up late, ordering nesting materials from Scandinavian companies that deal in decor for your home that produces the same rush of endorphins that heroin does. I find myself drawn to that, but in a different way. Its pretty late and I have found that I am drawn to the new home channel on television. Instead of some great public access show with either local wrestling or some crazy preacher smoking dope, here in the 'Burbs of Jacktown we have our own brand of local porno. Its the new home channel. "Great new homes, starting in the $140s! Beautiful 2 year old starter home in the 'Burbs, only $795 a month!" With what I pay in rent, this channel is like a forbidden fruit, luring me in, and at the very least teasing me like a stripper named Candy who is wearing not much more than a napkin.

The people of my generation dream and fantasize not necessarily about the furnishings of the home, like in "Fight Club" but of the home itself. My generation is one of indentured servants who only stay up late, fantasizing about owning a home, free and clear, as if we were looking at a copy of "Hustler."

Redneckin'

2007-04-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

I have discovered the greatest country music singer/songwriter of all time. Ok, wait. Strike that. I have discovered two of the greatest country/western singer /songwriters of all time. Hells bells, these boys is where its at! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, may I present Billy Joe Shaver and Unknown Hinson. For whatever reason tonight, seeing as I'm bored as shit and can't drag myself to write anything meaningful on here or to my stories I'm working on, I felt it was my God given duty to investigate kick ass singers who participate in my favorite cartoon, "Squidbillies." Unknown Hinson is a country singer who voices the main character in "Squidbillies" and Billy Joe Shaver performs the theme song to the show. Both equally great in their lyrics and styles, I suggest every one of you sons of bitches get your asses on Myspace and look them the hell up. Jesus, I'm feeling pretty redneck tonight.
Since I'm feeling pretty redneck tonight, I'm going to red-state it up for you bitches out there, so here are a few of my gripes, hates, and favorite things, speaking from my redneck perspective this eveningtime.

Gripes:
Frank Melton: What the fuck is his problem? Get with the program and do you damn job.
Censorship: Censor this, motherfucker.
The Clarion Ledger: Wake the hell up and smell the corruption.
The Jackson Free Press: Quit patting yourself on the back, your not that important.
Jam Bands: Get a damn job or play better music.
Jackasses: Yea, I can't stand you bastards.
Liberals: Not everything is Bush's fault. Just most things.
Conservatives: Not everything can be solved by Hank Williams Jr. Just most things.
NRA: Your membership dues are too fucking expensive.
ACLU: Your not the sole protector of the Constitution. I am.

Hates:
Drugs: Crack and Crystal and all that other shit.
50 year old women pretending to be 24: Eventually even Botox can't fix everything.
No new episodes of "Squidbillies:" Hey Williams Street, get off your asses and crank out some more.
People that talk during that survivalist movie I was watching today at the Crossroads Film Festival: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Snails: Move faster, bitches.
Giant trucks: Your too loud, tone that engine down a notch.

Favorite things:
Billy Joe Shaver and Unknown Hinson: Boys, you need to stop playing just Texas and Georgia, respectively and haul your asses to the Great State.
My car: Badfuckingass.
My new golf club I won: Yea, thats right. I won it.
Myspace: Hi, I'm the Expatriate, and I am an addict.
Fenians and Hal and Mals: Obviously.
School: Psyche.

Ok, I'm tired. I'll post tomorrow, hopefully, something bette

Bubbles the Magnificent

2007-03-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

Not to shatter anyone's ego, but law is based on tricks. Not just any tricks, but cheap magic tricks. Ever been to a magic show with a really terrible children's magician with a name like Bubbles? Well, the majority of lawyers in the United States use these same campy tricks. People outside the law are usually shocked and horrified when faced with legal troubles. Due to the mafia-esque style of Bar Associations, regular people are basically prohibited solving these problems on their own. Who do they call? Bubbles the magician, err...I mean John Q. Lawyer, esq. Johnny Lawyer steps in and with a wave of the hand and a slip of the wrist, magic is done and the problem solved, or at least brought to a resolution. And where does this leave our regular people? Out 5 grand for some basic problem. Someone recently asked me how can you tell if your friends with a lawyer. My answer? If you have his cell number, your most likely friends. If you just have his office number, your just another mark.

As a student of this illustrious field I've experienced another aspect of the cheap magicians of this area of employment. I have worked for several cheap magicians, some good, some not so good, but one of the common threads among these people is their fear of sharing their secrets. Just like any magician on any end of the spectrum, most lawyers have an intense fear of losing their jobs or losing their clients, therefore you have to squeeze them for their card tricks. As a student, we are all seen as future competition, therefore, learning the law is incredibly difficult when trying to sit at the feet of different Houdinis.

The endgame is eventually you figure out how your master magician does his tricks and he slips from being Houdini to being Bubbles. The cycle starts anew and you as the student become Bubbles trying to fool the public into believing the coin really did dissappear into your hand.

Eastern Pandas

2007-03-25T20:19:00.000-07:00

My apartment is a fucking wreck. Books everywhere, empty diet coke cans, and my sink is overflowing with dishes. I'm realizing that school is trying to kill me under an avalanche of shit that is piling up in my house. I have tons of crap due, papers, class work, applications, tests, bills and other miscellaneous garbage that is tugging at my pants leg like a little child wanting attention.

So today I was talking to a friend of mine who for the purposes of this blog, I will call Panda. So me and Panda are talking and discussing how we share the characteristic of being packrats. Panda has moved recently and decided not to take much in the way of personal belongings, preferring a minimalist existence in her new surroundings. I am very envious and have always wanted to eliminate some of the crap the permeates every area of my life. Ideally, I have a very Eastern view of how an apartment should look. Panda feels the same way. The difference between our views, however is in the area of air conditioning. Panda's new place of residence lacks air conditioning and her hippie leanings make that situation just fine. For this blogger, though, air conditioning is a must and no matter how much I do love the environment and saving the whales and all that other shit, I am a Mississippi boy and despise being hot.

I am always amazed when I talk to Panda. Free spirit does not get close to describing her. Her life is almost lived on a whim and she just goes with the flow. I consider myself a fan of having adventures and traveling, but Panda lives her life in the thick of adventures. When everything comes down to brass tacks, I am a planner and a homebody. Maybe being a planner and a homebody has enabled all this shit in my apartment to pile up. It might be time to get in the thick of some adventures before I drown.

Politically Incorrect: Femotalk

2007-03-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

The other night I was hanging out at one of the local watering-holes. As I sat there, enjoying the King of Beers, something interesting dawned on me. Isn't it funny how whenever I'm at the bar something interesting dawns on me? Anywho, as I sat there sipping my drink I started to think about how the arts in Mississippi have been taken over by women. Being a social libertarian/anarcho-music critic/feminist/politico, I am very much a fan of equality and suffrage and all those other politically correct standards everyone needs to be behind, however, when exactly did men cease having a say in art? I guess that is sort of a broad statement, but as I sat at the bar, pondering this, in the midst of an "art like gala," I noticed that the people hosting were women, the people running the game were women, and basically the majority of people attending this thing were women. Now, I don't look gift horses in the mouth and I was happy to find myself knee deep in pu...women...but I just started thinking that where do men contribute to Mississippi art, in all its forms today? Sure, there are tons of male writers from Mississippi and lots of painters who are men from Mississippi and just about every bar has an all male group playing cover songs, but when you truly think about it, prominent men in Mississippi are drifting more and more to other fields, outside the arts. Additionally, women are firmly taking over the arts, especially in literature. Southern literature. Jill Connor Browne and her fellow women have spawned a new form of female literature from the south that I shall name right here, and now: I dub female literature from the south that has to do with divorce/self deprecating humor/women's issues/female empowerment----------Femotalk. Yes, Femotalk and its other artistic outreaches now have co-opted all art in the South. Maybe its always been this way and I'm just noticing, but I could sure do with another Bill Faulkner these days.

Hip-Hop

2007-03-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, I haven't talked about music in a few days, so I thought I would. Whats my problem with Hip-Hop? Well the biggest problem I have with rap and Hip-Hop is that, today, there is a serious lack of social consciousness being sold. Sure, there are some great rappers out there who still talk about serious issues, such as Mos Def, but on the whole, Hip-Hop is just selling a lifestyle to the masses. Whether it be inner city poor youth who embrace the glamorous lifestyle of Bentleys and 22s, or the white suburbanite kids who despise conformity and find their outlet in P.Diddy, everyone seems duped into believing the hype. Here in Jackson, there are several local rappers who bill themselves as the real deal, however I still find it hard to believe. Just looking at some of their websites and Myspace pages makes me wonder about whether or not their is a real future for Hip-Hop. Not only are the kids being lured into buying into an unattainable lifestyle, but rappers just starting out buy into the same thing. Basically, Hip-Hop is now crushed into an "American Idol" type business structure. A million rappers try out and only 1 gets a shot. However, there is no Simon or Paula or even a Randy. There is no stop-gap to keep out the shit. In the end, local rappers play dress up and promote a lifestyle they don't even have. Who eats it in the end? The kids with disposable income.

I guess what I am trying to say is selling a lifestyle does not last. That is a short term gain, because the same kids who buy into the lifestyle at an early age, tire of it as they grow older and understand the truths of the world. Hopefully.

Be Quiet, Be Calm

2007-03-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

Be quiet. Better yet, shut the fuck up. Lately, it seems like everything and everyone is shouting. Whether its Best Buy's color scheme and blasting advertisements from the television section or that idiot that was sitting next to me at the redlight while pumping some Drrty South hardcore rap. How about the dickface using the leaf blower outside my window at 7 in the morning. Goddammit!! My professor at school using shouting as emphasis and the girl at the bar who can't help but laugh every few minutes because she had too much cocaine and too many cranberry and vodkas.

Lately, silence and quiet time has become a rare commodity in my life. The street value of quiet time is skyrocketing in my world, passed crack and heroin. If I could buy quiet time from a dealer named Lobo, I would. In fact, I'd buy it by the kilo.

I'm going to be taking a short hiatus from blogging for a few days to settle some business that I have been putting off.

Be well, dear reader, I shall return.

Weekend Recap

2007-03-19T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the parade this past weekend was pretty cool. Lots of people, lots of drunk ass 40 something year old women. Afterwards, I went home and did not really feel like going out that night. A day of drinking can really take it out of you. Oh yea, the winner of the aforementioned match between Happy O'Lucky and Shanks McFadden is Shanks. In a second round knock out, Shanks stabbed and ruthlessly beat Happy into the third row. Shanks then proceeded to stomp 4 people in the crowd, including an elderly gentlemen. Shanks' arraignment was scheduled for this morning and at press time, this news outlet had no information of his plea.

I stayed up very late last night talking to a friend. We have been trying to scheme a way into a cool line of work. No results yet. The old line of "anything you can think of, has already been done," is very true. So we are stuck, so far.

I have been trying to write more, fiction mostly. Slow but sure. For a very long time, I have had some good ideas for stories, and just now am I feeling confident enough to write something. I'm not sure how it will turn out. Stay tuned, maybe I'll post something.
Sitting here listening to my professor once again reaffirms my desire NOT to have children. LOL. I'm very bored and my class is very, very boring.

O'Lucky/McFadden: St. Paddy's Day Massacre

2007-03-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

So the decadence of St. Paddy's is looming on all of Jackson. In a few days, downtown will be turned into one of the largest spectacles of in all of the Southeast. For those who don't know, Jackson has the fourth or fifth largest St. Paddy's day parade in the country. Here, unlike other places, St. Paddy's is a little different due to the Sweet Potato Queens. Many moons ago, one of my favorite bars, Hal and Mals, decided to celebrate St. Paddy's day by hosting a parade. Flash forward a bit, and this lady, Jill Connor Browne, created a sensation of a book entitled "The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love" and subsequent books after. Now I haven't read the books, but they are a celebration of campy female pride in dressing badly and about how fun trashiness can be. Ok, I really don't know what they are about, but I'm sure it has something to do with bad clothes and southern women. Anyway, these books were a hit, and now people come from all over to hang out with the Sweet Potato Queens, march in the parade in costumes and really get tanked before 3 pm. I'm planning to go the parade for the first time and I'm hoping to see the sheer spectacle it all is.

In the past few years, a good friend and I have had a debate regarding St. Paddy's day. The traditional mascot is the Irish Leprechaun. Now, everyone loves leprechauns, but our debate has been, which leprechaun? There are two camps to this argument. On one side, you have the Disney friendly, Happy O'Lucky. Happy is the congenial, Irish wisdom leprechaun that is touted to young children. He is the leprechaun off the cereal commercials, in children's films and appears on lunchboxes. As my friend says, "Happy is the Gallic, jovial, lucky charms rendition." Now, on the other hand, there is another version. This is the more adult version. My friend calls him, "The surly, bar fighting, acerbic leprechaun." His name? Shanks McFadden. Shanks is the football mascot, the leprechaun from the movie "Leprechaun." You don't really know if Shanks has a pot of gold, but he does a broken beer bottle he is about to stab you with. This debate has raged for a while, with no satisfactory conclusion.

We invite everyone to weigh in.

Support Free Music

2007-03-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

Saw the Arnold Lindsey Band last night. They are a pretty good blues band. I wished they would have played some more of their own stuff. They had one really great song called "My Name is The Blues." Very good lyrics, well put together. I've become a connoisseur of free music here in Jackson. My venue of choice lately has been Hal and Mals. They haven't had too many decent acts worth paying for, but their free music in the restaurant is plenty for me.

This comes to the point of this post. Regional music. The south has always traditionally had great music, but lately today, with corporate marketing and slick ad campaigns, regional music seems to have returned to its roots. I say this because with youth culture there is a backlash effect. The south, at least Mississippi, generally has stayed pretty removed from mass media and its push for the "it" bands. Because of the lack of large venues, Mississippi doesn't traditionally get big concerts or big names. Albeit, every now and then a big group passes through, but lately the biggest groups have been Jackyl and Motley Crue. Although, maybe Jackyl hasn't played yet. Its not as if I really pay attention. Willie Nelson isn't coming to Jackson, so what the fuck do I care who plays there? I don't. For me, I know with the spread of technology and the rise of popular music over the past so many decades, anyone can see a ton of great bands and great music without having to pay anything. Fenians has plenty of free music and so does Hal and Mals. So I go there and skip out on the 18+ show next door with its 10 dollar cover to hear a pretty weak emo band spit out some meaningless fluff.
Not to say that the only marketed and sold music in Jackson is emo, or goth, or some other garbage I don't care about. The 930 Blues Club price gouges on a daily basis and it is constantly packed. Good blues in Jackson is sold at a very high price, unless you know where to look. Sure, here in Jackson there a good many jukejoint blues clubs. However, I doubt I would head down Farrish Street to check them out. I don't like prostitutes and I don't like dope dealers. Yea, I said it. Farrish Street is packed with whore and crack; ergo, I'm not going to Birdland. A good idea for more blues in Jackson would be to get rid of Fire and Ice and put in a nice, well designed and cheaper blues club. A club to compete head to head with 930. It won't happen though, the 930 is the kingpin of blues here.

Back to my original point. Free music where its at. Vernon Brothers this week at Hal and Mals. Last hurrah before the debauchery that is St. Paddy's Day. Wednesday will be the last calm day at Hal and Mals. Free music will be over for about 5 or 6 days. Dammit.

Manzar, the White Indian

2007-03-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

This might be the greatest show on television. "Barbarians" on the History channel is fucking awesome. This first episode I watched was about the Vikings. These people were the Klingons of their time. Or of any time, for that matter. This next episode is about The Franks. European barbarians roamed during the Dark Ages and frightened just about everyone and enslaved the rest. Oh yea, they burned Rome.

When I was at the movie theater the other day watching "300," among the dozen or so terrible previews of upcoming movies, one preview stuck out in my mind. This upcoming movie is called "Pathfinder." The beginning of the preview started off good, set around 1000 AD in Newfoundland, Native Americans are besieged by the oncoming horde of Viking barbarians. The Native Americans drive them out briefly and the Vikings vow to return. Now here is where I get a little pissy about this movie. The Vikings leave behind one of their babies, who the Native Americans raise as one of their own. Then when the Vikings return, this half-Viking/half-Native American, kicks ass and drive the horde out once again. Sounds like an interesting action/historical period piece, right? Wrong. Its just another excuse to let a white actor play a Native American role. Why the shit does a crappy white actor have to dress up in a loin cloth and play native? I'm sure there are some great Native American actors out there dying for a chance like this. Yea, I think Hollywood is racist. This movie is just another push, that has been going on since Fenimore-Cooper, of the image of a noble savage, and what is more palatable to the American public, but a white Native American.

God I hate Hollywood.

Living a Century to Get Punched in the Face

2007-03-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

Ok, I time travelled today. What the fuck? I woke up and its an hour later. Because I don't really pay attention too well, I forgot about the damn time change. Shit. I totally lost an hour today and I won't get it back until November! Damn you daylight savings!!

On to more pressing news. I awake on this beautiful saturday and I turn on MSNBC, as I am want to do. What do I see? A mugger in New York beat up a 101 year old lady in her apartment foyer. He punched her several times and stole her purse which had 38 dollars in it. Where is Sonny Corleone when you need him? I am so infuriated. This cocksucking, low-life, prick mugged an old woman. Now, I know I'm just a simple country boy from a backwater state, but New York is packed with young, rich assholes who would probably loved to get mugged, just for the story of it. What would make a guy mug an extremely old lady? Is this mugger that much of a pussy that he has to go after people who are knocking on heaven's door? Last year, this same kind of attack happened here in the Capitol City and I was outraged then. I just can't get over it. The news reported that this attacker in New York has been targeting old women in one neighborhood. I say get in touch with a good many of the old ladies in this neighborhood and give them Tasers. Then, after one of them zaps his all, call up some hard pipe hittin' boys and go to work on the homes. Marsellus Wallace style.

Long Live the West

2007-03-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

First of all, I'd like to encourage everyone to go see Frank Miller's "300." A bit slow in parts, but overall an excellent film. I don't need to go into the details of the movie, for many, many reasons, chief being some of the people who read this blog have yet to see the movie, and I'm not one to ruin it. What I would like to talk about is the underlying story that exists, not only in this movie, but in the real story of Sparta and the rest of the Greeks. Obviously, this movie portrays the Persians as a godless horde, bent of domination. Perhaps this is the true story. True, the Persians were an expansionist empire, and true, the Persians decimated countless cultures, but they also were scientifically ahead of the rest of the world by many leaps and bounds. However, what "300" got me thinking about was how over several centuries, the Greeks and other cultures on the edge of Europe held back this invading army, thus preserving the future. Really and truly, the 300 Spartans represent the dividing line between the East and the West. In the end, the West held the line and Rome arrived, France and England flourished and later the New World was born. Would I be sitting here blogging if Sparta and the Greeks had not held the line? I don't know, but somehow I doubt it. I am glad the Greeks held it and kept back the invaders. Now, I don't buy into some of the lofty notions portrayed by the movie about Spartan values, but I do buy into the idea of what was accomplished. Therefore, I say, "Long Live the West."

Icons and Archetypes Never Die

2007-03-08T12:05:00.000-08:00

Well, my blogging cohorts have both posted entries recently regarding the death of Captain America. I have been debating about whether or not to post something regarding the ramifications of the death of an American fictional icon. As the only person in our little blogging circle to actually be qualified to speak on the subject of comic books, I do feel somewhat obligated to post a little about the passing of Steve Rodgers. Bottom line: he'll be back. Iconic comic book characters never die, but its always refreshing to kill them off once in a while in order to boost sales and get Marvel or DC on CNN. He'll be back, obviously.

What do I think about Cap? I've never been so much of a collector of comics, as just a fan of great stories, writers and artists. The sad thing for Cap is, he never really has had any of these things. He has always been a pretty unrealistic character, even in the realm of make-believe. However, that doesn't dismiss the fact that I do own a few good back issues.

The result of Cap's death comes on the heels of "Civil War," an on going crossover in the Marvel universe. This "Civil War" revolved around the United States government cracking down on super hero's, by forcing them to register. Obviously, as Marvel has always been quick to do, modern political and cultural upheaval is injected into characters and stories. The X-Men are about civil rights, the Avengers are about diversity, Red Skull is a Nazi, Cap is Mr. America, Spidey's line is "with great power comes great responsibility." In the Marvel universe, everything and everyone is an archetype. Cap's death is no exception; Mr. America dies as a result of a terrorist act.

Now, before everyone goes off the handle and thinks of me as being just a little too cynical about this, I'm not. I'm just a critical person and as someone who has read comics for 20 years, I know what I'm talking about. Cap will be back, just like Wolverine eventually got his adamantium back, just like the Fantastic Four returned, just like Superman being reborn and just like any other great and profitable character being killed off and coming back.

I could keep writing about comics for a good while, but I think I have dug my nerd hole deep enough for the time being.

I Hate Politics and the Media

2007-03-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

I guess I would call myself a social libertarian. I was thinking the other day about all the different political classifications I have tried to squeeze myself into. Too many to count. I have major problems with organized groups. Frats, religions, wine clubs, and school functions. I've always been a loner, Dotty. A Rebel! LOL. Thats from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure." I've just never been able to get behind anything with a hundred percent. I guess that would make me a flake, but I really don't give a shit.

Lately, my biggest problem has been with political thinking, left of center. Not necessarily left leaning groups, but more, left thinking people. You know those people. They remind me of small minded rednecks, as strange as that sounds, extreme left thinking people cannot see past their own noses to what the rest of the world is. Many of them are history revisionists and apologists and it drives me fucking nuts. They are very good at patting each other on the back and hurling accusations at the rest of the political spectrum, because they feel entitled to be correct. Here in the south, extreme left thinking people seem to have some hard core self guilt about factors about themselves that cannot be changed, such as their birth, but they continue to bitch about it. For extreme left thinking people, everything boils down to race, gender or "being the victim" which they love to do.

I cannot help but keeping up with politics here in Jackson and the different bickering sides. Its in my nature. I'm a political animal, even though I desperately despise politics and I especially despise the media.

I think I'll go read the new Jackson Free Press and watch some MSNBC.

Sex, Lies and Pardons

2007-03-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

Scooter Libby was convicted today. He said he was a fall guy, the jurors said he was a fall guy, and everyone who DOESN'T live in the White House has been saying he is a fall guy. Ok, now the fireworks begin. Will Bush pardon him? I hope so. That would be some great political capital to spend on a little weasel covering for some bigger weasels. I guess I just love seeing the crazy drama spewing out of Washington these days. In other news, a District of Columbia madam, who was recently busted for pandering or whoring or something, has said she will name names. Oh I can't wait. I love when people name names. Everything is fun and friendships when money is changing hands for sex or lies, but the second the shit hits the fan, someone gets a special on the E! channel. I'm so anxious. The suspense is killing me. I hope it lasts. Ok, I can't claim that last line. That was Gene Wilder from the original film version of "Willy Wonka."

Is it raining, is it pouring, is a hurricane a'blowing?

I just love anarchy on television that comes from these kangaroo courts and Washington madams.

Rebel Without A Cause

2007-03-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

Oh Lord. Where is football when you really need it? As we all wait in anticipation for the tease that is the NFL Draft, I can't get my mind off college football. Ole Miss messageboards are now going into overdrive as spring practice breaks and a new quarterback controversy takes over everyone's mind. I don't know why the spring gets me excited about Ole Miss football, but I think it has to do with the fact that basketball is soon to be over, baseball has really gotten swinging yet and Ole Miss really doesn't have too many other exciting sports. I mean, tennis is here, but come on.

As I sit here in one of my classes, I am numb to anything that is being said. Something about taxation, something about valuation. Somehow the judiciary fits in. All that runs through my mind is who will be taking snaps in October? I'm sure there are plenty of people out there feel the same way as me. Football in the south is wonderful thing, where disputes are settled (or created) and the sins of the world are battled on the gridiron. I pity anyone who cannot appreciate SEC football and what it means to this region.

Despite Ole Miss letting me down many times in the past, I miss Rebel football so much right now.

Writing, Writing, Writing

2007-03-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

Given over to the better angels of my nature, I have decided to do a post that has nothing to do with jobs, school, the baby boomer generation or Jackson. Sing the praises on high, I'm not bitching too much today. The question was raise today, in a somewhat indirect way, of why I blog. Sure, I blog to bitch and moan so my friends, who I am certain are the only people who read this, can get their fill of my bullshit when I'm not around. However, surprise, surprise, I have another reason to blog: I like to write. As surprising as that may sound, I do like to write. No, I am not, nor have I ever been, much of creative person. I have always wanted to play an instrument and I have always wanted to paint, but despite my efforts, I just cannot. My brain does not function that way. I know real artists and they have some brain chemical or genetic structure I lack. Therefore, to get my creative fix, I write and I enjoy it. My writing may not be too good and my writing may lack a clear cohesiveness, but its a release for me. I am not good at grammar, but I don't give a fuck. Additionally, I write because I can and I can do this with impunity. No one cares what I write and I like things that way.

Last semester the fact dawned on me that I had many good ideas and I should start putting them down. Ideas like writing fiction. An interesting writer I met through the internet encouraged me to do so and on his creative writing website he listed one essential rule to writing. This rule is called "Butt in Chair." The essence of this rule is, if you want to write, you have to sit your fucking ass in a chair and write. All the great writers had to start somewhere and the place they start is with their ass in a chair.

Taking this wisdom, I also discovered that any great writer, writes alot. He doesn't sit around just thinking about writing something great, but he flexes his creative brain muscle and churns out a volume of words. For me, this exercise is blogging. I force myself to blog all the time, either coherently or incoherently, but at the very least I'm writing. So there is my answer. For me, blogging is the equivalent of doing 100 mental pushups.

True Crime

2007-03-04T18:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, there was another murder in this city. What the hell is going on? The damn newspapers are not reporting the fact that we already have a good many murders for this to only be March. The mayor is in jail, the city council is drowning in red tape, no one is running the city, businesses are leaving, and when the fuck was the last time the damn police department actually solved a case? The cops need like 300 more officers and the fire department has an interim chief. The police chief doesn't have a plan to fight crime and there is real organized crime in this city. The potholes are mounting, drugs are sold in impunity, and muggings and home invasion is a real possibility if you live in the city limits. That's why I don't fucking live there. Certain media outlets in this area love to talk about all the "white flight" and how its so terrible. Well, there are a hell of alot of black people leaving Jackson too. Who the fuck wants to have to worry that their damn kid is going to sit on a crack pipe when they go to the local playground? Or worry about some homeless guy begging for a quarter? Or how about getting caught in the crossfire of some jerk-off, useless thugs battling it out on Wood Street for control of "turf?" No one. Black, white, whatever, its universal to want to be safe and for your children to be safe. So this is what I say to everyone who is thinking about moving out of Jackson. Fucking do it. Get the hell out and move to Rankin County or Madison County or wherever. Its going to get worse in Jackson and its time to head to high ground.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

2007-03-04T18:40:00.000-08:00

God I hate when Saturday is over. Sunday is just such a tease of a day, shaking its sexy ass all around your life, then at the end of it, your super pissed because its over. Damn you Sunday, you bitch!! Well last night was the Friendship Ball at Hal and Mals. I ended up there late, after my trip to Oxford and a stop over at Martins to see some people. Yea, great. Ok, so then I go to the Friendship Ball. The jazz band was great, but the crowd was so weird. My night went from a high to a low, so I had to retreat to Hal and Mals. Just when I was settling down and enjoying the music, I started to notice who came to the Friendship Ball. Some older people, lots of pretentious wanna be writers, so called activists and the smattering of politicians. Despite the music making me feel a little better, the people at this thing were frustrating me a little. Who the hell are these people? This is my bar. I'm a regular. These people are treating this place like a novelty, a place they show up to once or twice a year to feel better about "race" relations in Jackson. They drive in from Madison, botox their faces and mingle with themselves. They might as well be at Schimmels. In fact, that's a great point. They should have the Friendship Ball at Schimmels. At least, then, the pretentiousness of the crowd would match the pretentiousness of the place.

Trick Daddy: Live on the Square!

2007-03-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting right now, up at Square Books in Oxford, enjoying creation as it unfolds under the watchful eye of Lafayette county's capitalism. In the short time that I have been away from Oxford, I am never amazed at the frenzy to build and and create new things for the masses in this small corner of the world. Now I'm not one of these old fogeys who sits around talking about how great things were back in my day, but it just seems to me in the last few years, Oxford ha s been on a rampage to expand and grow. Is it that the powers that be finally realized the volume of disposable income that Ole Miss students have to throw around? Or maybe its the fact that people just see something special about Oxford and this area? Maybe its both. Whatever it is, its nice to sit here and enjoy people walking around. I'm a people watcher. On the Square, people watching could be a competitive sport. Students, old alumni trying to remember how to navigate the Square, old women, wanna be authors, wanna be musicians, real authors, real musicians, hell everyone is here. I'm so sentimental. Of course, what has to break the peace whilst I sit here? Trick Daddy blasting out of some extremely white and extremely redneck rich asshole's SUV. I'm on a very short vacation here and I could do without Trick Daddy.

Bloggers of Mississippi, Unite! Or Just Sit There and Be All Apathetic and Shit

2007-02-28T22:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, never got that nap. Dammit. I have been out gallivanting this evening-time, suffering through a couple of endless conversations with former law students who have just finished the bar today and just had to tell me about their contracts question and how it was so unfair. Yea, thanks, I'll get to that shit this summer.

I have realized something: Mississippi needs an organized blog e-zine similar to some of the ones done throughout the country. My good friend who posts the blog "Reality Reviewed" recently brought to my attention that one of his blogging buddies has started writing for the Chicagoist, which is a large for profit blogging site, sort of like an independently contributed e-zine. I read a bit of the Chicagoist and I encourage people to check it out. Its a great idea. Since I am a jet-setter and a trend-setter and an Irish-setter, I think Mississippi needs an organized blogging network, at the very least, linking us all together for the common goal of bitching 24/7. We could all blog, from all parts of the state, about real frivolous shit and have like karaoke night together and be like a club, like on the "Lil' Rascals." I'd be spanky. So there you go, cats and kittens. Lets organize something because the only other alternative is to let the Jackson Free Press continue on churning out their policies and dicta regarding what constitutes cultural commentary. And no, I don't think they do a very good job.

The Haters Ball

2007-02-28T14:01:00.000-08:00

I was surfing youtube today, as I normally do, and I noticed that there is way to much bickering going on. Ok, strike that. I like the bickering, so keep it up, just make it better. Everyone who posts VLOGs on there enjoy knocking each other for anything. Wait, I have already blogged about this? Can't remember. I'll keep going. Everyone on youtube feels the need to bash someone else for problems or differing opinions. Now I'm just about the most opinionated motherfucker on earth, but even I know when to pull back a little and respect other people's opinions and decisions. This is a pretty boring post. I remind myself of an old man shaking his finger at the kids. I'm considering a nap. Ok, I'm not doing anyone any good by just sitting her. So I'm going to take a nap and do myself a favor.

A Brief History of My Ancestors

2007-02-25T16:53:00.000-08:00

People always ask me, "Expatriate, your such an interesting person. What makes you so interesting?" Well, fair reader, my disturbingly popular personality comes from many places, chief among them, my ancestors. I come from a long line of strange types who have inhabited many places on this green earth and been both scalawags and kings. From the lowliest horse thief, to the highest general, past relatives of mine are both eccentric and amazing. These great people have combined DNA over the centuries to make for a very interesting person, chiefly, me. Therefore, I have decided to dip into my vast vault of family history and relate to you, dear reader, a few of the more colorful members of my illustrious clan.

1107-1156

King Harfongog
Perhaps the earliest of my relatives. This tapestry was discovered in 1909 in Germany. The figure pictured is only known as King Harfongog. Inscribed on the back of the artwork is this inscription, apparently written in a type of ink made from a mixture of goat blood and dirt, as was the custom of the time.
"Be-eth known before all angels descended that great King Harfongog ruled with an iron fist. All loved him, save for those damn-ed Swarfongog's who lordeth over the great King their vast resources of goat's blood. Great King Harfongog despises-eth the Swarfongog, even in death."
This inscription was translated from some early Germanic dialect that apparently was only spoken in this province.

1228-1301

Lormoni Triaste

My royal roots seem to end with the great King Harfongog, but another distant relative, Lormoni Triaste, made a substantial impact to humanity. A writer who lived in Italy during the time of Dante, apparently, Lormoni wrote dozens of risque articles about the ruling families of the time and was welcomed in several prestigious courts. During his lifetime, Lormoni compiled his articles into a loose leaf book and thereby created the first celebrity gossip magazine, affectionately known as "Idiots Divertenti" or translated as "Funny Idiots." While the common people laughed and enjoyed the book, the ruling families turned on their once favorite writer and hung him out a window in Venice by his intestines.

1478-1542

Fransisco La Pasas
People should know this by now, but I truly do love adventures. On of my favorite relatives is pictured here. Fransisco Del Amonoti Armo La Pasas, or simply known as "Chip" to his friends. Chip was a pseudo-successful olive oil salesman in Spain, but when Christopher Columbus discovered the New World, Chip was all over it. Wanderlust is a great aspect of my family and Chip was no exception. Having no seamanship experience whatsoever, Chip was undetered. He sold the entire business, took out dozens of loans from known loan sharks and set out. Because Chip sunk all his money into a ship, he could not afford any maps or experienced sailors. Therefore, late one night, before Christopher Columbus' 4th voyage to the New World, Chip stole an extremely long line and lashed his ship to one of Columbus'. The next morning when Columbus set out, Chip was towed along. About halfway through the journey, Columbus discovered the ruse and cut Chip loose. Not knowing how to steer and not having any crew put a pretty big damper on Chip's endeavors. Through Providence, though, Chip made it to the New World, but a bit off course. Chip landed in California in 1513.

1555-?

Gustav Deborgunbergunshiem
Known as Gustav the Relentless, this ancient relative of mine lived in Bartovlia, near the German/Austrian border. A local warlord by trade, Gustav was also an avid adverb enthusiast, claiming at one time to have single handedly created 974 adverbs. He was known to have a less than pleasant disposition, but was a world class mutton chef. Gustav has yet to die and still shows up to a few of my family reunions. He always corners me and wants to tell me about his damn adverbs. God he drives me crazy.

1690-1728

Grand Duke Chutney of Vilsmarch
Grand Duke Chutney of Vilsmarch was born into a life of luxury. This relative of mine was known in France as a gadfly and scoundrel. He frequented several courts of intrigue. In his 19 volume autobiography, "My Life Kicking Ass and Breaking All The Rules," Chutney notes:

"I had a certain way with the ladies, what can I say. Lady Disonrei visited me one night and I totally made out with her in front of her husband. God did he have this really bad look on his face. He couldn't do shit, though. Me and the king, well we were tight, so Lord Disonrei just had to eat it."

Chutney died of syphilis and left 402 children (known.)

1745-1791

Lord Albert Whisthurst-Aborgast of Tinnery Hall
During the Revolutionary War in America, I had several relatives that fought on both sides. Perhaps the most intriguing is this guy. Lord Albert was a commander who fought under several British commanders of some distinction in the Americas. While his fighting skills were suspect, the British command truly loved Lord Albert due to his uncanny knack for impressions and comedy skits. Throughout his career, Lord Albert made up what he lacked in soldiering, by entertaining everyone. In fact, when Cornwallis surrendered to U.S. forces at Yorktown, Lord Albert sealed the deal by doing some great impressions of King George for both U.S. and British troops. Lord Albert retired to England and served in Parliament. He is credited as being the originator of political satire.

1872-1917

Vsldsky
Only known as Vsldsky, this Russian mystic is perhaps my strangest relative. Born in the village of St. Swithenssky, in southern Russia, Vsldsky was known, even as a boy, as a person of magic and mystery. At the age of 7, Vsldsky is reported to have levitated more that 100 feet and accused the moon of crimes against the Czar. Taken aback by this poor boy's amazing feats, a local Russian soldier adopted the child and took him to the capital for an audience with the Czar. Once at the capital, the Czar commissioned the 7 year old as "High Mystic of the First Order" and commanded him to see into the future for what lay ahead for the Czar's family. Discovering that the Czar's family would be destroyed, Vsldsky kept things to himself and escaped the palace late one night. He moved back to southern Russia and performed his tricks at birthday parties. He was lynched in 1917 for not having any vowels in his name.

1830-1888
Colonel Josiah Tammerlane
Colonel Josiah Tammerlane was my connection to the Civil War. Born a poor farmer in Lawrence County Mississippi, Tammerlane always knew he was destined for greatness. At the outset of the Civil War he enlisted in the Mississippi Regiment and quickly advanced from private to colonel in about 4 months, due to every commander being shot at the Battle of Antietam. During the war, Tammerlane was heralded as the most boastful man in the entire confederacy, once stating to a Mississippi reporter who was embedded with his unit, "I don't give a damn. No, I'm serious, you can print this. I am the baddest ass guy in this whole damn army. Cause? I could care less about the Cause! I'm here to fight, baby. Fuck the confederacy, fuck the union, and fuck you too!" Tammerlane reportedly killed 670 union troops single handedly and 834 confederate soldiers. When the war ended, Tammerlane was extremely distraught and moved to New Orleans where he became a bouncer in the high class nightclub, "Whorehouse." Tammerlane was shot and killed by Jefferson Davis in Biloxi for "being a royal jackass."

1860-1905
Sir Major Thomas Dolby
In the vast tomes of my family history, I discovered this distant relative who lived in India during the British Raj. Known as a quiet man, Dolby was an effective leader, due to his refusal to answer any direct questions, but merely respond in a heavy British accent and divert the question to something else. Dolby was knighted by the Queen for his management of the town of Portmajanti on the coast of India during the Great Rebellion. Dolby maintained the calmness of the town by instituting a "casual friday" for all Indian workers. Decades ahead of his time, Dolby allowed Hawaiian shirts, jeans and even funny ties. The native population praised him for this great gesture. Dolby retired to Bombay and wrote his memoir, "Maintaining the Status Quo: A Lesson in Corporate Governance." This book was listed as one of Kenneth Lay's favorite books.

1898-1968
Albrect Fortenblau
Professor of literature at Oxford in England. Known to his students as "Old Son of a Bitch" Fortenblau was a devotee of Armenian literature and translated several Armenian fictions classics into English. Fortenblau despised teaching, but felt it necessary in order to fund his research projects in literature, such as organizing several trips to Armenia to study the categorizing system of the libraries. Fortenblau was an acquaintance of both C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. Seeing these two writers/professors rise to fame in their own time for their respective works, only embittered Fortenblau who felt the lack of a middle name inhibited his chances for real success. During the mid 1960s all known copies of Fortenblau's writings were burned during a hippy sit-in Oxford. No other books were harmed, but the students, due to their absolute hatred of Fortenblau felt it necessary so future generations would not be plagued by him.

Well, there you have it. Not a complete list, but some of my more intersting relatives.

Life Goals

2007-02-25T14:04:00.000-08:00

These are some of my top goals in life. I came up with this list because I am nearing the end of one of the more boring and loathsome chapters in my life. The next chapter is going to be great, so anyone who is reading the book of my life, here are some predominant themes to look for.

1) be healthier
I have some unhealthy habits. I remember a time when I used to care more about my health, both mental and physical, but law school seemed to suck that right out of me. This goal is probably the most attainable, so I'm going to push for it when this hell is over with.

2) graduate on time
I've come so far and I know I bitch alot about school, but I do sincerely want to get done in a timely fashion and move forward. Maybe I will miss a few aspects of it, but not many. Also, I'm not looking forward to graduation day, I mean I am excited about being done, I'm just not a big fan of ceremonies, unless they involve blood rituals and cool, creepy music.

3) pass the bar
The mountain. Its so momentous, that I get a stomach just thinking about this motherfucker. I'm not excited about this, but truly, if this is the last hurdle, I plan on scratching, killing, and maiming my way over this bitch.

4) get a job
I've blogged too much about this thing. I just want a good one.

5) be happier
Yea, I'm not that happy, surprised? When I saw law school sucks something out of you, I mean it. Before I came here, I was in a pretty decent mental state. Now, and the 5 semesters behind me, I have felt unhappy. I mean, I'm not depressed or anything (been there, done that), I'm just unhappy. I don't like this venue.

6) travel more
The classic goal of anyone talking about life goals. I don't mean Mongolia or the Caribbean, I just mean travel around the south more, meet interesting people and enjoy myself in unfamiliar places. Experience the native cultures.

7) write something
Long suffering goal. I've always had great ideas for stories, I just have such a hard time wrenching them out of my mind. Since I'm talking about goals, one of my goals of having a blog is so I can write more and just try to force something to come out of my head. At the very least, I can say this blog has improved my typing a bit, but not my grammar. I will write something, though. Come hell or high water.

8) play golf more
When I was growing up, I didn't understand golf. It seemed like a game for old, fat, white men to play in really bad clothes. After play a bit, it is relaxing. I've never bought a club in my life, I have just used hand me downs from people I know. I like that. I have made no major investments in it and its pretty cheap to go out on a nice day and shag some balls around. Its like going for a walk with beer, clubs and carts.

9) be a better friend
I have a load of friends and I love them all. I try my best to help them when I can and I try to care about them, but another downfall of law school is that it sucks the time out of you to be with people you care about. I hope and pray it changes.

10) have adventures
This is my classic line. I really do enjoy adventures, and as childish as it sounds, having
adventures is my ultimate goal. Having adventures contributes to every previous goal I have mentioned and I can't wait.

The Morning and Mexico

2007-02-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning after surviving the storm last night to the movie "Once Upon A Time In Mexico." I had forgotten how much I adore this movie. I mean, the plot is a pretty crazy, but the stars and the dialogue make up for any problems in the plot. If we were to use a music analogy, this movie would be considered a "Super Group." You know, like the remaining members of The Beatles teaming up with the remaining members of Led Zeppelin and calling themselves, "Kind Hearted Travelers" or some shit like that. But don't let me sound insincere. I adore the whole El Mariachi thing. I mean, "Desperado" was good and "El Mariachi" was ok too, but this movie is made by Johnny Depp's character, Sheldon Sands. Whats great is, and I don't know this for sure, but it seems that the director, Robert Rodriquez, gave Depp plenty of range for expanding and developing his character and I just have to believe that many of Depp's great lines were ad libbed. Or maybe the script for his character was just that good. The Wikipedia article describes Depp's character as an "anti-hero" but for my money I would just characterize him as an interesting psycho, with great fashion sense and an awesome assortment of toys.

Another Job Post, Last One For A While

2007-02-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

If anyone reads this blog, one of the continuous topics I talk about is the topic of jobs. I have been in school, for literally, my entire life. I've worked all kinds of jobs, for companies, private contractors, professionals, janitorial, and on and on. I've been everything from the guy who sweeps the floors to the guy who serves someone subpoenas. I've never had a real job though. I'm now soon to be done with this hell pit of academia. I'm ready to work. I know many people out there would say, "you don't know what your asking." Yes I do. Academics is the world of uncertainty, and at least with a profession and a job, you have a certain direction. I do understand the other side, though. One of my best friends finished grad school last year and has since been working a pretty terrible job. My friend and I grew up with the illusion that getting a higher education immediately opens the door to advancement and better jobs. Well, we know it doesn't. The only function of higher education is to give you an equal opportunity to push for gainful employment. My old friend sits in the position that I hope I am not in next year. I don't want to trade this shit hole of academics for a shit hole of a job.
The good thing about having a great friend that sits in this position, is the advice he can give me and the hope we share for a better future. We are both confident that good jobs do exist, perhaps it just takes a little time and networking. I knew there must be a reason I was up at Hal and Mals a bit. My friend is married, though. So his timetable on getting a better job is a bit more rushed than me. When it comes to me, I'll stumble onto something and make it work, all the while keeping my eyes peeled for something bigger and better. My friend, however, should be in something better right now. I am pretty aware of my flaws, but I've been trying to discover what my friend's flaws are when it comes to this job hunt thing. I think I've found it and although I know I'll get an earful of this later, I might as well say it; my best friend won't take a chance. Now, this is not to say he has never taken chances, or he is weak, but with his situation in life and his position, he stays back and doesn't play the game. Now, in many respects this makes him one of the most admirable people I know, in that he refuses to let himself get suckered into a losers game, but if you don't play sometimes, you can't win sometimes. I know he can do great things and I know I can too. Also, he is a perfectionist and a germ-a-phobe and it drives me and his wife crazy.

Self Hate, Ranting, and Pecan Pie

2007-02-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

I never realized how many self hating Mississippians there are in Mississippi until I moved to Jackson. These are the people who go around decrying everything and every decision that is made in Mississippi. These are the people who feel that they have to shout as loud as they can about the most controversial issue they can get their hands on and then denigrate whatever they can find about Mississippi. There are alot of fucking problems here, everyone knows that. You know what? There are alot of fucking problems every where you go. We're the fattest state, highest infant mortality, lowest cigarette tax, the flag issue, meth and the list goes on. Sure, I'm not a dumbass. I recognize these problems, but I know that these problems exist in other places in one form or another. I want to hear the goddamn balance, though. We are the most giving state per capita, we are the most hospitable, Mississippi produces great athletes, great scholars and writers and we have better weather than most of this fucking country. Ok, that one is an incident of God, but I'm taking credit anyway. Back to my point. There are these people, who grew up here and dreamed soooooo hard of leaving, so they left and got their degrees and made their money and decided that they didn't want to be a little fish in a big pond, so they tucked their tails between their legs and scurried back to their safe, warm state. Once they got back, they found whatever soapbox they could, and shouted until their throats were sore, but not about anything good. And if it was about something good, it was because THEY did it. Well, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people here just dogging this state, at the very worst, from within. This state has come a long way from being a completely rural and extremely poor place. Sure, alot of us are still poor here, but progress is happening. And one last thing, MY FUCKING NEIGHBORS NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, I CAN'T THINK!!!! LOL. Ok, this was a pretty bad rant, but I'm just been hearing alot of people in this state about how bad shit is here, and how backwards we are, and how stupid we are, and I'm getting fed up. And now, for my finale, to all the people who are self hating Mississippians: "The greatest thing about Mississippi is that the roads are all open 24 hours a day and they all lead out."

The Music Post

2007-02-21T15:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, kids, I had to take a break from blogging. This shit can get exhausting. Plus, I've been addicted to watching MSNBC lately, with the Anna Nicole hearing. Wow. Its worse than a circus, but I guess we needed some new courtroom action to watch. This post, however, is not about Vickie Lynn or Britney or any other celebrity trash. I have been very reluctant to do this post, but I felt that if I started writing, I couldn't stop. But here goes anyway.

Today, on the Jackson Free Press' website, one of their columnists wrote an article about music and what she likes. I agree with her sentiments about not understanding new music too well, at least the poppy shit that permeates the airwaves, but she listed her top albums. Now, I can't do that because I would have to work out like a top 100 just to be fair, so I guess I'll post my top ten songs I'm listening to right now in my life. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have alot of hot air blowing when I talk about music and they also know its not a very good idea to get into a conversation about music with me because I just ramble and vent and talk about how I'm right. Maybe posting these songs on here will limit me, or maybe I'll still be typing by tomorrow morning. Who knows, but here goes:

10) "Volare" by Dean Martin.

When you think about great Mob movies, you have to think about Dean Martin and this song. His voice was like Anisette, and I can just picture myself sitting at a table in a New York lounge listening to this crooner sing thing song with a glass in his hand. I can't help myself for loving great Mob movies and singers like Martin. On top of everything, I'm a huge rat pack fan, so for my money, this song is the tops.

9) "New York State of Mind" by Billy Joel.

Once again, my visions of New York and great song about a great city. I've never been to the place myself, but if I ever go, I plan on listening to this one the whole way there. For me, this song embodies Joel's entire body of work of representing the soul of a place, much in the same way Bon Jovi and The Boss represent New Jersey to me, or John Lee Hooker represents The Delta or Dr. John represents New Orleans. I associate places and things with songs and Billy Joel is New York to me.

8) "Its Not Going to Stop" by Aimee Mann.

Aimee Mann has been bumming around forever, but where I picture her music the most is from the movie "Magnolia." Wes Anderson, the film maker who made "Magnolia" possible said in an interview that he scripted and organized the movie around Aimee Mann's music. In the movie, this song is featured prominently during a break in the action where all the actors sing along to the song, separated in different scenes. I feel like I do that in my life. Her voice is very soulful and meaningful.

7) "Grits Ain't Groceries" by Little Milton.

A different flavor of blues, more picked up and with a kind of Chicago feel. Little Milton's driving lyrics and colorful descriptions on add to this song. Chess records was a warehouse of great talent, but Little Milton is my quintessential juke joint saturday night guy. When I listen to this, I feel like I'm up at the 930 and the place is fucking jumpin'. Listen to this song once, and you won't be able to get it out of your head.

6) "Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel.

Together or alone, both of these guys are incredible. This song is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to great writing and truly meaningful lyrics. "And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made." For the rest of time, that lyric will be meaningful. I really think most of my songs that I love come from the writing more than anything.

5) "Don't Let Me Down" by The Beatles.

There is so much to write about The Beatles, but this song just feels like the song that best personifies the band itself. All around, the album "Let it Be" is a beautiful creation, but this song, with its lack of polish and its almost sing-songy quality makes it seem more real. We all want to believe that our favorite band is true to the music and this song always restores my faith. Sure, lots of other Beatles songs are more experimental or truer to rock and roll standards, but this song, for me, is the best example of who The Beatles were.

4) "Ho Cakes" by MOFRO.

MOFRO is more like just one guy, but their root style rock has such a down home feel, it gives me faith in the future of music. As you can tell from my list, I'm not much on the newer stuff, but if you want good new music, that is affordable to see, go to Hal and Mals when MOFRO makes it back to Jacktown and get in the front row. Its bluesy, its country, its gospel and its rock and roll. Get on board this freedom train!

3) "Levon" by Elton John.

Now I know Elton John didn't write these lyrics and well, they are hard to understand or put in context, but for some reason, John makes it work. "He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day when the New York Times said God is dead and the war has begun." Its like poetry as opposed to telling a real story or a real situation. It just feels right and I guess thats what great music should be. More than anything it should just feel right.

2) "Sunday Kind of Love" by Etta James.

This is a great lady. Her range, her tones and just the way she makes you think of a lazy sunday with a beautiful woman. Jesus. When I want to feel good and relax, no one, and I mean no one, can touch Ms. James. I'm a huge Ella Fitzgerald fan and I'm a big Billie Holiday fan and I love Ms. Aretha Franklin, but gimme Etta when I need a pick me up. This song should come with a warning, though; you'll get drunk off this music.

1) "Colours" by Donovan.

Now, this is my number 1 right now, and that will probably change in a few months, but rest assuredly, this song will remain in my top 10 for a long time. I have made a life mission of rediscovering lost music and artists that maybe didn't get the praise they deserved in life. Donovan was one of those cats who hung around with everyone who was anyone in Britain during the 60s and 70s. He was friends with The Beatles, The Yardbirds and supposedly introduced Jimmy Page to John Paul Jones and kicked off Zeppelin. True or not, his music resonated through the rest of the British invasion the way Gram Parsons resonated through the West Coast rock scene in bands such as The Grateful Dead and The Rolling Stones. Donovan's songs are hippy, new age, old school and just light. I believe he will be hailed as one of the pillars of a great generation of music and just as influential as Bob Dylan. Plenty of people will say that is crap, but fuck 'em. This song is the kind of song you could sing to your child.

So there you go, dear reader. My top ten for the brief moment. I'll probably be singing the praises of another band or singer/songwriter tomorrow, but all 10 of these songs are winners and you can't go wrong with any of them.

Blog War Is Cooler Than Cola War

2007-02-16T15:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, Blog war is on. A friend of mine has recently accused me of hazing him into starting a blog. Needless to say, The Expatriate vehemently denies these accusations. Although I have to say that my mind has been a bit distorted lately, due to my high intensity use of "Head On" (apply directly to the forehead, apply directly to the forehead, apply directly to the forehead), I cannot blame an innocent, consumer friendly topical drug for my extreme (scuze me, "X-treme") blogging of late. This friend of mine recently blogged furiously about the different rationalizations that people use to justify their rantings or criticisms. Well, I truly believe this new blogging friend of mine is the same way. He enjoys the fact of generating a bit of catharsis with discussing different topics for other people to view. He likes the fact that seemingly random people have the opportunity to read his writings, just as much as I do. In reading his blog, however, he would trick you, dear reader, into thinking differently. He tries to pull himself out of the blogging world and look from a very clinical standpoint, like, oh say, a Southern Studies teacher who would teach a class at Ole Miss about the South, yet due to her Maryland roots, would look only at her position in the South from an anthropological standpoint. My blogging friend is doing the same. I don't blame him, though. He is as Po-Mo as the rest of the blogging world, but I know my reasons for blogging. I like to write. Unfortunately, I have neither the time nor discipline, at least right now in my life, to devote myself to strictly writing, but maybe someday. My blogging friend is the same way, however he won't admit it, so I'm admitting it for him. He fired the first shot, so this is my answer. Time for deconstructionist war in the streets.

1/2 Hour News Hour Sucks Really Bad and Fox News Does Not Have A Sense Of Humor

2007-02-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

OK, I've decided to go ahead and get in front of this new show on Fox News called "The 1/2 Hour News Hour." Supposedly, this is the right wing answer to the left leaning genius comedy "The Daily Show." Wrong. This new burp by Fox News is a pathetic excuse for bad comedy. I've seen really, really bad comedies that are better than this shit. Youtube has some of their promos posted and a clip from the show, so I encourage everyone to check out Youtube and watch a piece of this tripe. Besides the humor trying to be an opposite mirror of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, it falls well short. The killers of this show, though, are the laugh track and the eerie similarity it has to the set up, music and graphics of "The Daily Show." But I'm not mad. Actually, I am anticipating this show's arrival, because after this bucket of shit spills onto cable, "The Daily Show" will have a field day. Its like a meat pitch coming straight down and Jon Stewart is going to carry it 450 yards. A laugh track? Seriously. Fox News just needs to realize that it doesn't have a sense of humor and shouldn't try.

Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T15:21:00.000-08:00

Well I have been reluctant to do this post. I feel like I've been dreading typing this, because I have never liked this damn holiday. First of all, that seems like a misnomer. "Holiday." We don't get this day off, banks aren't closed and people don't really travel. To many people, Valentine's Day is about romantic love and men having to buy flowers and a litany of gifts for their woman. Clearly, this is a woman's day. The Greeting Card lobby rolls out the ads and guilt trips as many men as it can into doing ridiculous things for their significant other. Now, I know everyone who reads this will just say, "Damn, Expatriate, your just jealous!" Yea, probably, but tough shit. I'll post about anything I damn well want. In thinking about what I wanted to write about this day, I started thinking about my own love life, or lack thereof. LOL. Recently, a good friend, exhausted with my ideas about how hard it is to find a good woman, basically gave up and suggested I try online dating. Well, first off, I'm not paying for shit, so that's basically out the window, but I did enjoy researching it. If you type in on a Yahoo search for "Online Dating" 180,000,000 results come back. Obviously, not all of these sites are dating sites, but a good many are. Some are Christian dating sites, or strictly sexual sites or sites meant to help gold-diggers find sugar daddies. In this niche world we live in, even love and lust can be compartmentalized into a search for whatever interest piques your fancy. For me, I just don't feel that a computer screen and a few lines of text can define what a person really is and if anything clicks. In informing my friend who suggested this route of my decision, he gave up and is refusing to give me any further advice on dating. I don't blame him. I guess I'm not bitter these days about Valentine's Day, I just fail to see the point. I guess I fail to see the point of online dating either. Both Valentine's Day and online dating share the aspect that they are both superficial, temporary and confusing.

Dream a Little Dream

2007-02-14T15:07:00.000-08:00

I took a nap today that kicked my ass. After staying out too late last night, I awoke this morning promising myself that I would make up the "sleep debt." Two classes later and after lunch, I took a hot shower and laid down on my couch. Before I could fall asleep, I watched a little of the movie "Narc" starring Jason Patric and Ray Liotta. Anywho, I muted the tv and drifted into the strange world of dreams during the day. For some reason, I always notice I have extremely unusual dreams when I sleep during the day. This particular day my dreams didn't let me down. I dreamt that I was a gun runner of some type. I'm not really sure why, but in my dream, this guy named "Calveras" kept calling me and asking me to sell him guns. He said they were for his girlfriend, but I never got her name. I was so worried about selling guns, but the money was just so good. LOL. Somehow, pecans became involved, then the dream plot just fell apart. I awoke to my laptop making creepy sounds and the sun shining in from outside. I jumped up and thought, "wow! it was nasty this morning, and now its great outside." Its still fucking cold, though. So fucking cold.

News of the Weird

2007-02-13T15:50:00.000-08:00

Like I have said a few times, I'm a media junkie. When I say media, I'm meaning the news. I read the news constantly and like anyone other day, today I was checking the AP wire on yahoo when two disturbing stories caught my eye. The first story is just fucking weird, and goes to the point that everyone involved in the fashion industry is crazy as hell. The headline reads: "Are Corsets the next big trend in male fashion?" In a word, no. What the hell is going on with hollywood and new york fashion houses. Corsets? Are you out of your fucking mind? Metrosexuals were bad enough, but corsets? Just to toss some kerosene on top of this flaming pile of shit, earlier on the radio I heard a report that a fashion designer in Europe is marketing pantyhose for men. Ok, seriously folks, I'm not one of these "retrosexual" men who believes all men need to act like neanderthals and regress back to 1950s morals, but at the same time, this corset and pantyhose crap has gone far enough. What people do in the privacy of their own homes is their own business, but come on. What kid wants to explain to his friends that the guy picking him up from little league is the guy wearing the corset and pantyhose. Jesus Christ!

And in other male news, I have to say that I called this one. Not so much that I knew this would happen, but that I knew there was something intrinsically wrong with this procedure. The headline on the AP wire read: "Research links vasectomy with higher dementia risk." The headline explains the story and I, and I'm sure any male reader observing this post is cringing, so I won't go into any detail about the story, but we all knew this would happen. Think about it. There is something terribly wrong with screwing with your plumbing and its only natural that dementia would follow. Now I understand some men have to undergo this procedure for medical reasons, but for all the husbands out there, reconsider. Disconnect your pipes and you run the risk of going clinically insane. My next prediction: "Researchers discover link between psychosis and prince alberts." Word to the wise: don't let anything sharp near your boys.

Rathkeller II

2007-02-11T14:08:00.000-08:00

Well last night was HeART against AIDS benefit up at the Rathkeller. It was nice, but parking was a motherfucker. The squares were out in force, as this was an excuse to venture from Madison or the Rez and show off your faux fur coats and hug tight to your trophy winning doctor-husband. As a regular of different Rathkellers around town, I'm always stunned when squares descend on one of my regular haunts. Its not that I don't like them, I guess I just don't see them enough to appreciate what they add to the scene. The best part of the entire evening is watching a guy parking his lexus, 3 blocks down from the joint, then at midnight or so, have to walk his faux fur wearing, botox injected wife back to their car. It was pretty cold last night, so there wasn't enough homeless people to bother the squares. Dammit. I have to say, the food was the best part of the evening. I ate like 3 times because all they had were very small plastic plates. Mental note: next year bring your own plate. The gay community was out in force and served as a nice counterbalance to the squares. Forced mingling is a fantastic thing to watch. These crusty ol' Redstaters from Madison having to talk to the most liberal, most gay, and most tan people is just something to experience. I was glad to see alot of money raised for AIDS awareness and I saw a couple of local celebs hanging about. I'm sure I looked completely out of place at this show, but that is also nice. I always enjoy the experience of being a fish out of water, but little do the squares know, this is my Rathkeller; they are just guests. I'm glad this only once a year.

Its Not Going To Stop

2007-02-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

When I was 18 I was getting ready to go to college. I am from a very small town, so I didn't have the money to go to Oxford, so I went to a Community College. Before I left, my aunt told me something I have always remembered. She told me that now that I was getting into college, no matter what I think, my life will begin speeding up. She told me that my life will get faster and faster and faster until it gets to the point where you don't know if you can hang on and that is the speed the rest of your life will be. Today, I reaffirmed that axiom. My aunt is one smart lady. No one really takes a hard look at how fast their life is going and I think that is why so many people are dysfunctional. I try to look at my life long and hard and calm down the areas where I can. Most of the time, everything just runs at that break neck speed, but what I can control, I act like a fucking dictator in controlling it. I don't like large groups of people, I cannot stand people lying or posturing themselves to be more than they are and I abhor music snobs. I also enjoy my solitude when I can get it. The world is so goddamn fast, these seem to be the bulk of the shit I can control. The best song that exemplifies what the speed of life is really like is Aimee Mann's "Its Not Going To Stop." Life doesn't stop.

The Garden

2007-02-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

I guess I'm a little late in figuring this out, but men and women really do think differently. I have started reading "Garden of Eden" by Hemingway and its nice. My favorite book he ever wrote is "A Moveable Feast" and a close second is "The Sun Also Rises." Some people really don't like Hemingway because they claim he was a chauvinist. Hell, he probably was, but fuck it. I like his writing style and his topics. Despite his chauvinism, I think he had his finger on the pulse of relationships between men and women. I haven't gotten too deep into "Garden of Eden" and it starts off so nice, I'm hoping it doesn't descend into violence and cruelty like some of his other books do. I guess the reason I like "A Moveable Feast" is because its simple and loving. I'm hoping "Garden of Eden" will be too. It starts out with two lovers living on the coast in France. They drink alot of wine, fish and make love. Sounds like a pretty damn good life to me. Hemingway's women touch on some of the funny and sometimes silly things women do and I guess that's why I like these characters. I think women have these abilities built in from birth, and they are reinforced throughout their life. I have been looking at youtube a bit and noticed alot of Valentine's Day advice floating around on some of VLOGs. All this advice about giving gifts or diamonds or going to dinner. Valentine's Day seems to be a day reserved for men to reinforce the idealistic, feminine traits of women by going through the motions and trying to live up to a "Garden of Eden."

All The News That Fits

2007-02-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

You know I thought about blogging about Anna Nicole Smith today, but I guess I'm just not that callous. As a big fan of her early work, for Guess jeans and in Playboy, I am saddened by her death, but I feel more saddened by the fact that her newborn child will grow up without a mother, and most likely, without any kind of normal family unit to support her. Happy trails, Vickie Lynn.

Now, on to more pressing matters. Actually, I don't really have any pressing matters. Hmmm. I guess I'll just do a wrap up of whats been going on in my life:

Front Page:
Headline: EXPATRIATE MULLING TRIP TO OXFORD, NO DECISION YET

This week, The Ole Miss Expatriate is decided if he is going to go to Oxford in the next few days. Details have been sketchy, but apparently, he is longing for his old stomping grounds and the need to escape central Mississippi for a time. No decision has been reached at the time of this report.

Business Page:
Headline: JOB MARKET TERRIBLE

The job market throughout Mississippi really sucks. Recent statistics have revealed that getting a higher education almost hurts one's ability to get gainful employment. Most experts point blame towards the baby boomers and their refusal to retire.

Sports Page:
Headline: REGULAR YEAR FOR OLE MISS RECRUITING

On signing day, the Ole Miss Rebels missed out on a few big recruits and basically ended the day with exactly what they thought they were getting. Most fans anxious for Powe to be signed, but that day has yet to come. Expectations this year are now returning to normal for Ole Miss football and fans seem to be praying for a .500 season.

Lifestyle Page:
Headline: EXPATRIATE BIG FAN OF BARRY LEACH TRIO
No surprises here folks, the Barry Leach Trio, a local jazz band has impressed The Expatriate. He really likes them and encourages everyone who loves free jazz and a nice environment to get their lazy asses to Hal and Mals next week to watch.

So there you go. Those are basically the high points of what I've been thinking about lately. Notice, scholastic endeavors are absent. I'm not much a fan of schoolin' these days and do not feel like talking about it. Wow. This blog entry was really lazy. I ate some baked chicken tonight and I'm feeling kinda lazy, so just enjoy and be lazy with me.

Signing Day 2007 or The Last Waltz of Football Until the Draft

2007-02-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, today is signing day university football throughout the country and I have a few bones to pick. Damn, I've been doing alot of complaining lately. Anywho, lets get to the bitching. First of all, messageboards. The predominant messageboard for college football gossips is Rivals. My biggest complaint about this crap is the sheer fact that anything posted on the "free" board that even borders on being interesting or gossipy about Ole Miss football, is instantly deleted. The reason, you ask? Because the moderators and managers want that information reserved for the damn pay board. Now I understand the need to make money to support that crap, but jeez!! On top of charging for membership, ad space is already sold which makes Rivals god knows how much money. Rivals is a good resource if you want to pay to play. Next beef, Ole Miss has had sort of a shitty day, when it comes to recruiting. I, being the eternally happy person that I am, am trying to turn my frown upsidedown with the reasoning that maybe with some of the pressure off of our recruits maybe the coaches can coach and the players can play, because after the last few seasons, I say pull the redshirts, let everyone compete for spots and get it on! Enough with this pussy footing around shit. Play the players. Last gripe about signing day, its all hype and no reward. This is one of the last great hurrahs for football enthusiasts and its only a tease. All the damn rankings that ESPN and Rivals and Scout do about who had the better recruiting year, doesn't really mean shit when it comes to the upcoming season. Its not like hardly any of these kids are even going to play in the fall. With all the damn redshirts and grayshirts and whatever the hell else colors they slap on these kids to keep their eligibility, signing day 2007 is only relevant for the first game of the fall two years from now. I'm napping now, so go check Rivals for me and see if Ole Miss got anyone new.

A Day in the Life of

2007-02-05T06:17:00.000-08:00

Most days, I wake up before 7. I set my alarm to give me an hour to get ready and to make it to school, which basically amounts to 1 hour to get to school, whether or not I have showered or are dressed. I have to have a shower in the morning, so I'm always scrubbed and ready to go. Three days out of the week, I arrive right around 8 and immediately zone out. After checking my email, several times, checking the Clarion Ledger online, the Jackson Free Press and a host of other news outlets online, I begin to pay somewhat attention to the Professor. Mostly, I just look up and seem interested and fake like I'm taking notes, such as right now. After about 3 o'clock, on most days, I'm done, so I go home and watch Spike TV because they usually have some incarnation of Star Trek on, yes I am a total nerd. I sit in my chair and flip between the news and Star Trek for the rest of the afternoon. Then around 5 or 6 I get some dinner, usually a Subway or maybe something I have in the fridge. By 7 or 8 my biggest decision of the day arrives: to go the bar or not. Last week was a resounding 'Yes!' so that usually means the next week is 'No.' I'll probably stay away from the rathskeller for a few more days. I hit the bed at midnight and sleep for 6 hours.

Whats in a Name?

2007-02-04T21:35:00.000-08:00

You know I just noticed that I have yet to post about why I call this blog "The Ole Miss Expatriate." Hmm. Well, many moons ago, I lived in an ancient and class based society known as Oxford, nestled in the northern, rolling hills of north central Mississippi. I lived there with my tribe and was happy with my life. After a time, I discovered that my next steps to becoming a full bred member of the tribe could only be completed if I journeyed south. With a heavy heart, I departed my native lands and waved goodbye to my tribesmen and wandered into the great expansive waste of central Mississippi.

Astride my noble steed known as "U-Haul," I treked deep into foreign territory. In a county known as "Rankin" I built my hut and began learning what I could from the new tribe. For the last few years I have lived at peace with them, learning their ways. Unfortunately, my time with this tribe is drawing to a close, however I feel positive about my next step. I do not know if I will return to my native lands to stay permanently. I have traveled back several times to visit with my old kinsmen, but the sacred land of Lafayette is so changed these days, I do not know if my destiny lies with the great north Mississippi tribe or elsewhere.

Therefore, I am a wanderer. I am an expatriate. I am also stretching to make this post interesting.